My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

You know it’s funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it’s curious that they don’t do it. They would...

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

I learned that you don’t have to be all over the place, that you can be subtle and you can say what you say. The words that you put together can be just as hilarious...

I started doing improv my sophomore year.

It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

It’s easier to rip somebody to shreds while you’re making them laugh.

I learned much more about acting from philosophy courses, psychology courses, history and anthropology than I ever learned in acting class.

You get money out of acting. You get gray hair out of directing. Actually, I get more of a rush from directing.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it’s not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or...

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.

It can be rebuilt if other countries with selfish interests will not meddle, as has been done in the past.

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy...

People always ask me, “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Well, I don’t have an alibi.

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

Just the fact that I’m in the game is great. I’m just blessed to be working. I got a plan, but I’m humble and I try to be humble.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it’s so forced.

I love iconoclasts. I love individuals. I love people that are true to themselves, whatever the cost.

I’m not gangly; I’m very coordinated. I do have a bit of a baby face. But I guess that just means I’ll be working longer.

I don’t always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I’ll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.

God’s children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

Improvisation is almost like the retarded cousin in the comedy world. We’ve been trying forever to get improvisation on TV. It’s just like stand-up. It’s best when it’s just left alone. It doesn’t translate always...

I think it’s one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there’s so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

I’m telling a Richard Pryor story through me.

I used to think no one should go into show biz, but now I feel differently. I now feel like it’s a great career. If you can do it and make money at it and...

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

I’m a big Cosby fan. I respect the man.

American people are not evil. Given information, they will do the right thing. But they’re not given the information.

Most good actors have a huge intelligence about the human condition and a real open heart to different kinds of people and behavior.

I’m Liberace without a piano.

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I do a lot of screen re-writing.

Although we dealt decisively with all terrorist organizations, we at the same time not only maintained, preserved our democracy, but kept improving it.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

The comic strip is what I looked at, and it’s another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behavior, interested me.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them.

I left Indiana, and I ain’t been back since. I’ve been doing comedy and paying my bills.

I’m definitely not up-to-date on the high-tech videogame world.

My mother buried three husbands – and two of them were only napping.

It’s hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

I learned never to listen to acting teachers because they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

You had to know how to fight or you had to know how to avoid a fight. I didn’t enjoy fighting, so I learned how to avoid them.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.

No, I believe in the good will of the United States’ administration.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.