Everybody does it!” Quirke burst out. “It’s perks!””Everybody?” said Vimes. He looked around at the squad. “Anyone else here take bribes?”His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an...

The three thieves looked around. As their eyes grew accustomed to the gloom, they received a general impression of armourality, with strong overtones of helmetness.

No swamp dragon could ever terrorise a kingdom, except by accident. Vimes wondered how many had been killed by enterprising heroes. It was terribly cruel to do something like that to creatures whose only crime...

Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily...

The invisible people knew that happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in.

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we’d had a good breakfast. And you don’t get mugged, either.

It was already growling, and the growl was a low, rumbling snarl of spring-coiled menace, the sort of growl that starts in the back of one throat and ends up in someone else’s.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

YOU FEAR TO DIE?”It’s not that I don’t want… I mean, I’ve always…it’s just that life is a habit that’s hard to break…

I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.

There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.

Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.

The Tezuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for it organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the...

Typical artist,’ said Granny. ‘He just painted the showy stuff in the front… And what about these cherubs? We’re not going to get them too, are we? I don’t like to see little babies flying...

What you look at, you change.

In fact the Gods were as puzzled by all this as the wizards were, but they were powerless to do anything and in any case were engaged in an eons-old battle with the Ice Giants,...

The money… will talk?’ said Mr Spools carefully.’Imps,’ said Moist. ‘They’re only a sort of intelligent spell. They don’t even have to have a shape. We’ll print them on the higher denominations.

There’s no point in believing in things that exist.

He’d never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to explode in your face. Just when he thought he’d...

Esk felt that bravery was called for, but on a night like this bravery lasted only as long as a candle stayed alight.

Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of ‘democracy’ with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a...

His voice gave out and he made several wavy motions with his hand, indicative of the shape of a woman who would probably be unable to keep her balance.

I don’t want unnecessary violence, sergeant,” said Blouse.”Right you are, sir!” said the sergeant. “Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin’, I want him nailed to the wall!” He caught the lieutenant’s eye, and...

The fact was that, as droves of demon kings had noticed, there was a limit to what you could do to a soul with, e.g., red-hot tweezers, because even fairly evil and corrupt souls were...

He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape’s eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were...

Me parece que no lo entiendes. Las vidas de las personas pasan por delante de sus ojos antes de que mueran, y el proceso se llama ‘vivir’. ,Te apetece un camarón?

Er, why do you need to work in a dark room, though?” he said. “The imps don’t need it, do they?””Ah, zis is for my experiment,” said Otto proudly. “You know zat another term for...

It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren’t the people the people who made up the phrase “people are people everywhere” had traditionally thought of as people.

Then Cheery Littlebottom had arrived in Ankh-Morpork and had seen that there were men out there who did not wear chain mail or leather underwear, but did wear interesting colors and exciting makeup, and these...

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.’YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,’ it said inside Kin’s head.’Hell!”THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL...

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it’d save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.

When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it – philosopically speaking – make a noise?

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it’s not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved...

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She’d much prefer to read a good book.

Anyone with half a mind could see that,” said Tiffany.Miss Tick sighed. “Yes. But sometimes it’s so hard to find half a mind when you need one.

You know, you’re rather amusingly wrong.

Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.

Now that I have smelled you, I can face you down. Even though my body is shaking, I can keep a place free from you. I can feel you running round in my head, you...

Rob turned the rustling pages and grinned.’Ach, she’s writ here: “Oh, the dear Feegles ha’ turned up again,”‘ he said. This met with general applause.’Ach, what a kind girl she is tae write that,’ said...

And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.

Or — and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it — the book was true and reality was lying.

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

People said there had to be a Supreme Being because otherwise how could the universe exist, eh?And of course there clearly had to be, said Koomi, a Supreme Being. But since the universe was a...

That’s what’s so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you’re so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and...

We’re living in science fiction, but we don’t realize it.

Tiffany has been apprenticing as a witch by visiting people in need with her mentor. After meeting with one particularly sad case, she tells her mentor, “It shouldn’t be like this.” Her mentor replies, “There...

She waited with Billy Slick while Carrot went on the errand, and for something to say, she said, ‘Billy Slick doesn’t sound much like a goblin name?’ Billy made a face. ‘Too right! Granny calls...