Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to.

Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder–which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you’ve got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You’ve got to stop. You haven’t really been anywhere until...

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erratically in all directions that the chances of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme. Colon,...

. . . and what are you exactly, my friend? Their subordinate? Their employee? Or, I would suggest, their equal? That’s what young Karl would certainly have said, and probably still does. Unless he’s no...

A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch,” Carrot drew himself up proudly, “because someone’s taken a book? You think that’s worse than murder?”The Librarian gave him the kind...

Los historiadores han observado que es en las épocas de abundancia cuando se siente el deseo de ir a la guerra. En tiempos de hambruna, la gente está demasiado ocupada intentando encontrar algo que comer....

Upstairs, in what had been until then the cash office, Young Sam slept peacefully in a makeshift bed. One day, Vimes hoped, he would be able to tell him that on one special night he’d...

We did Rat Surprise last night for the Sons of Bloodaxe annual dinner,” he said. There was a general groan. “And it was rat.” He raised his voice against the complaining. “You can’t use anything...

It takes a long time for people like Vorbis to die. They leave echoes in history.

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where’s your coffee? You’ve got coffee, haven’t you? C’mon, everyone’s got coffee! Spill the beans!

All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal as far as other witches are concerned. There’s a conflict of dominant personalities. There’s a group of ringleaders without a ring. There’s the basic unwritten...

Never build a dungeon YOU can’t get out of.

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you’re told and didn’t try to understand things.

How do you get all those coins?” asked Mort.IN PAIRS.

Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching the bottom just ahead of the terrible carnage of men and cheeses as...

Sometimes the crime follows the punishment, which only serves to prove the foresight of the Great God.””That’s what my grandmother used to say,” said Brutha automatically.”Indeed? I would like to know more about this formidable...

Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards.

You Say To People ‘Throw Off Your Chains’ And They Make New Chains For Themselves?

Humanity’s a nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.

I would like you to teach [the orcs] civilised behaviour,” said Ladyship coldly.He appeared to consider this. “Yes of course, I think that would be quite possible,” he said. “And who would you send to...

He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like “core values” at him with impunity.

It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was...

If you have a purpose in life, you can feel six inches tall.

She sniffed, and smiled a bit, but not too much because if there is one thing worse than someone who doesn’t understand you it’s someone who understands perfectly, before you’ve had a chance to have...

Walking purposefully, in the knowledge that no one with their sleeves rolled up who walks purposefully with a piece of paper held conspicuously in their hand is ever challenged, he set off across the wood...

The only thing more dangerous then a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their bedroom window...

Cats do not hunt seals. They would hunt them if they knew what seals and where to find them. But they do not know, so it’s okay.

They called themselves the Munrungs. It meant The People, or The True Human Beings.It’s what most people call themselves, to begin with. And then one day the tribe meets some other People or, if it’s...

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

They didn’t know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you’ve got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because...

He sat down on the turf, relishing the breeze through the gorse bushes and sucking in pure fresh air. Whatever you thought about goblins, their cave had the kind of atmosphere about which people say,...

The city wasa, wasa, wasa wossname. Thing. Woman. Thass what it was. Woman. Roaring, ancient, centuries old. Strung you along, let you fall in thingy, love, with her, then kicked you inna, inna, thingy. Thingy,...

I am not so blind that I can’t see darkness.

Ridcully sighed.’All right, you fellows,’ he said. ‘No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who’s playing silly buggers?’The other senior wizards stared at him.’I, I, I don’t think we can play it any more,’...

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and...

It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it.

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.

An ancient proverb summed it up: when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

YOU FEAR TO DIE?”It’s not that I don’t want… I mean, I’ve always…it’s just that life is a habit that’s hard to break…

I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.

There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.

Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.

The Tezuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for it organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the...