With regards to getting laid and getting AIDS: Being interesting can be an interesting guy’s downfall.

Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity.

Using money in one’s attempt to put an end to poverty is like using a border in one’s attempt to put an end to xenophobia.

When a man’s bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman’s body — or vagina — has to do the opposite.

You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.

A tomboy is a bisexual girl’s dream lover.

Spam is a waste of the receivers’ time, and, a waste of the sender’s optimism.

Intellectually curious men become generalists. Intellectually lazy men settle for being specialists.

Tomorrow is like ‘there.’ Once you get ‘there,’ it is called ‘here.’ So, technically, life is a set of Todays.

Chomie’ is South African homosexual men’s unofficial name.

Thou shalt not tweet to be retweeted.

Some couples are married because they fell in love. Some are married because the woman fell pregnant.

Being a ‘good’ parent is more about the parent, and, less about the ‘supposedly-could-have-been-bad’ child.

Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having.

Employment is the exploitation of the employer’s courage, and, the employed’s fear of failure.

To masturbate is to imagine: physically.

A salary is a tax employers pay, every four weeks, for putting an employee’s dream on hold.

Life entertains humble men by giving men with below average looks (intellect, knowledge, etc.) an above average self-esteem.

Overrated is order.

Being forever available to the rest of the world is overrated. I mean, what are ‘missed calls’ invented for?

Though you can get smart from reading everything that a smart person writes, you cannot get famous from reading about everything that a famous person does or is said to have done.

We do not have forever to say whatever. For with every single day that goes by, the odds of our opinion(s) being read or heard diminishes.

A true survivor is someone who, after 12+ years of being schooled, remains independent in their thinking.

Time limps when you are not having fun.

Philosophy is to a thinker … what push-ups are to a model.

A horny man is seen. A horny woman is heard.

Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.

As a subconscious attempt to add meaning or purpose to their life: The unemployed pray for a job; the retired pray for grandchildren.

There’s a correlation between the number of digits on a man’s bank balance, and, the number of things that his woman is willing to forgive him for.

The present is an eternal attempt to separate the past from the future.

A vagina is an uneducated woman’s diploma.

Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters.

A social critic is someone whose work revolves around where and how our successes are failing us.

Intellect is the virtue of ignoring one’s emotions’ attempt to contaminate one’s opinions.

Some wo/men are so possessive … you end up missing missing them.

You cannot sensibly expect a starving ‘God-fearing’ man to honor the 8th commandment.

Procrastination threatens critics’ livelihood.

*Paying one’s last respects* is about the payer, not the paid. (Who attends the funeral — and who doesn’t — is the deceased’s last worry.)

A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist.

To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you’ve lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you.

An artist that makes art merely to meet a demand is a slave to what his patrons wants to see, or, hear.

A freedom-fighter is a slave to freedom.

To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.

A philosopher philosophizes what people need to hear. A motivational speaker speaks what people want to hear.

Rich people read their bills. Poor people dread theirs.

In some cases, people with a body (whose size) they did not long for are victims of having a bank balance (whose size) they longed for.

Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.

To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.

The definition of ‘Employment’ by an employer, and, that by an employee, are seldom the same.

98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.