Primary purposes of a mirror: (1) To help civilized men realize their imperfections, and, (2) To help the imperfect hide their imperfections.

Working overtime is an underpaid man’s salvation.

Being in a hurry is the father of stress and worry.

A salary is, to a man’s employer, what his wife’s vagina is to his wife: a tool used to (1) reward; and (2) control him.

Religion is a non-alcoholic man’s alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man’s religion.

Men marry for the womb. Women marry for their tummy.

To a man, a woman is fun to be with … until she gains weight. To a woman, a man is fun to live with … until he loses his job.

The employed are punished by having to do what they do not love. The self-employed are punished by the opposite.

Hanging around people you’re smarter than is good for your ego. Hanging around people who are smarter than you is good for your intellect.

Giving up isn’t a deed. It is ‘discontinuity’ of a deed.

He who says that someone isn’t himself is a victim of statistics.

A bad handwriting is as annoying to a reader … as an irritating voice is to a listener.

Marriage and dating are man-made ideologies; if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, we’d all be born in pairs; as couples.

A sensible speaker is a slave to making sense.

In modeling, the colour of a man’s teeth is more important than his IQ.

88% of what we call good songs aren’t really good. They merely remind us of a good time we once had.

Ambition’ is ‘greed’ rebranded.

Some women are good-looking … until they change their hairstyle.

An angry artist tells people what (he thinks) they need to hear. A hungry artist tells people what (he thinks) they want to hear.

Employment frees man from the nightmare of unemployment, while it chains him to his employer’s dream.

An educated woman is seen as a human being with a vagina. An uneducated woman is seen as a vagina with a human being.

Friends are family members we have a choice over.

To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job.

Faeces by any other name would smell as gross

The more civilized people are, the more honorable working hard is to them. As a result, the more civilized we get, the less we live.

Never judge the deeds of a starving man while you’re on a full tummy.

If heaven really exists: then, technically, living is an activity that believers keep themselves busy with — while they wait for their death.

An ID number is only there to ‘identify’ human beings. Use it to assume people’s intellect or wisdom at your own risk.

When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).

A man who lives long enough will be a boy twice.

The streets are a poor kid’s PlayStation™

He who is ready to die for his country is a fool. For he didn’t choose where he was born; and where he was born didn’t choose him.

Education inspires the educated to think for themselves. Schooled programs the schooled to work for others.

Thanks to the internet, you can provoke thoughts of those in mansions, from the uncomfortableness of your shack.

Reading leads to knowing more. Knowing more leads to arrogance. Reading further leads to humbleness.

To change the world, one has to ignore its residents.

98% of the things said by a drunk man are true; 98% of those said by a horny man aren’t.

In fiction: we find the predictable boring. In real life: we find the unpredictable terrifying.

Capitalism has turned human beings into commodities. To the owner of a restaurant: the cook and a bag of potatoes are equally important.

Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve

All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what’s between their legs; the rest sell what’s between their ears.

A blank cheque kills creativity.

When ready to settle down: women are more interested in where the man is going; men are more interested in where the woman has been.

To fail, try to please your critics. To please your critics, try to fail.

To be enslaved then, you needed to be ignorant. To be enslaved today, you need to be knowledgeable.

Marriage is the commodification of affection, copulation, and, reproduction.

Public opinion is to an unconventional idea … what abortion is to sperm.

A paparazzi is merely an extremely nosy nobody with a camera—and bills to pay.

I do not qualify to be a model. I lack the necessary obedience.

You know you are capitalism’s ideal puppet (and that education betrayed you) when winning the lottery is your only chance to realizing financial freedom.