…Tell me, has anything odd happened to you recently?What do you mean, odd?’Unusual. Deviating from the customary. Something outside the usual parameters of normalcy. An occurrence of unprecedented weird.

I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.

A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.

A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you to carry it across the desert. You’d better get walking, because me and...

A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake.

A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in the military? If no, why are you acting like a brick?

Weerd is a weird way to write weird, but seemingly more normal than weird. Also, hate is a weird way to write love.

A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping.

A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it work.

I must settle for freedom in this modern time

I’m completely fine with being weird…it keeps me from getting bored with myself.

The more passionate and argumentative I get the more followers and friends I make online.

I’d rather be a little weird than all boring.

I’m thankful for weird people out there ’cause they’re some of the most creative people.

A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.

A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.

A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.

A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, because I brought a crayon.

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream.

A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself.

A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire.

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!

A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one of our elected officials needs a brain transplant to try to boost their intellectual capabilities.

A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger.

A blanket could be used as a tablecloth, and a brick left as a tip.

What have we got?” Ashford said. “Short form.””It’s fucking weird, sir,” Chan said.

When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared to handle myself in a bar, most likely by avoiding them altogether.

A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re roughly the same size, the have the same population (the brick may have one less person), and Grandma Kintz makes...

A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.

A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get out of there immediately.

I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success.

A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.

Bricks could be used to fill my empty trophy cabinet. But first I’ve got to win them.

I actually have a thing about proper nouns. They clang on my ear in a weird way when I hear them dropped into movies.

Spiritual love is when you see new faces as the oldest.

Little kids talk about the strangest things. They really do.

Stuff that would be weird in the bright light of day just wasn’t so much once you passed a certain hour.

You’re so weird, Claire,” Wyatt says, shaking his head. She nudges him and smiles. “If by ‘weird’ you mean ‘awesome,’ then I agree.

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

A brick could be used to cool your drink, like a large ice cube.

A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall.

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...

A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a pupil as in student. Seems a bit silly to try to teach eyes...