My accent’s become a weird hybrid.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and on the right is a girl who loves my writing. Now I love...

A brick could be used to stall for time when the police are searching your place looking for a missing person. I kept telling them, I didn’t steal a person—I kidnapped a mannequin. Is that...

A brick could be covered in black fur, cradled, pet, and called Mr. Fizzlebush. The best part is that since it’ll sit still and silent on the bed, it won’t meow or run away when...

A blanket could be used like a giant piece of paper. Most people just want to cum on it, but occasionally someone will want to splash ink on it and try to impregnate the minds...

A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake.

A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome...

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself.

A brick could be used to block out the pain, if you use it to first inflict pain and carry it through to coma.

A blanket could be used like the Romans used Greek gods. Still, if you want my honest opinion, I’d rather pray to cheddar cheese than to Zeus.

A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and...

A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dramatic.

But functional was not an aesthetic criterion that Flashjack, as a faery, had terribly high on his list of priorities; it was well below shiny and nowhere near weird.

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!

I am weird, and you know what? That’s OK. So are most interesting people.

A brick could be used to keep you three inches away from death.

In a weird way, I live vicariously through the characters I play as an actor.

A brick could be used to help you get used to the fact that you’ve been used. I’ve been used to, so I know what you’re going through. You’re going through a dark tunnel, and...

A brick could be used to control whole populations of people. Just get a good looking person, like a news anchor, to give it out to the masses and say soothing things with a straight...

I like weird. Conformity bores but is inescapable for the most part. We all follow something, even if it is following the goal of wanting to stand apart. We are a sea of ordinary people;...

I don’t do normal. I have a reputation to uphold. (Thwonk)

You honor our humble abode,’ said Bean.’I do, don’t I,’ said Peter with a smile.

Everyone’s weird, I’m just a bit bizarre.

Everyone has a childhood, everyone had awkward years and weird stages. Mine were broadcast for eight years.

I think the British audience might be more open-minded with some of my imagery and weird choices.

A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.

A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood. But if you’re going to play with fire, I suggest you wear a...

A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable...

A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm up first.

A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders,...

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never...

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up.

A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate?

Caveat Emptor.”

A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I am the cement that holds everyone’s shoes in sync at the bottom of...

A brick could be used as a fashion accessory. Or an accessory to murder. I believe the phrase is, “If looks could kill.

Life, will be a very great deal less weird without you!

It makes me feel kind of weird, but obviously the Man Upstairs gave me something and it touches people, and I’m just so blessed.

A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If ingested, please contact a physician first, and then the manager of a circus.)

A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when...

A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But just like wearing your boxers on the outside of your pants, if you...

This is ridiculous. I’m talking to a horse about politics.

Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let me lay in your bed with you.

A blanket could be used as one square on a giant checkerboard.

I rather be weird than boring and bored.