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Strange  Quotes
A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome...

—Jarod Kintz

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A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.

—Jarod Kintz

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I can hardly be expected to think like Santa. I get three times the letters, I poop burritos, and my penis is two reindeers more plentiful.

—Jarod Kintz

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Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to block out the pain, if you use it to first inflict pain and carry it through to coma.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being cold, don’t worry—I’ll cover you with my naked body.

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.

—Jarod Kintz

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Creative people are often found either disagreeable or intimidating by mediocrities.

—Criss Jami

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When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls.

—Jarod Kintz

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Life is so strangeI don’t know whyBut somebody, somebody has to cry.

—Elvis Costello

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She moved her hands like crane claws as she spoke, trying to dig at the essence of what she was saying. It was the dirtiest I love you I’ve ever heard.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.

—Jarod Kintz

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The best part about falling in love with a slab of meatloaf is now I get to use my ketchup-dispensing backpack when making love.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal...

—Jarod Kintz

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A sex trophy should be functional, and shaped like a dildo, yet decorative, and shaped like Ben Bernanke. Insert it in your ass as desired.

—Jarod Kintz

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I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer.

—Jarod Kintz

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A lightning bolt is sharper than an axe, because it’ll chop down a tree with one strike. My love is like that too—good for making firewood.

—Jarod Kintz

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Having to eat fruit drives me bananas. But it’s OK, I park. Then I pick up a hooker and make love like I’ve got no money. And I really don’t have any.

—Jarod Kintz

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I’m glad the government can’t tax love, because I’d owe them a lot of it. And I’d be forced to tell them how much my ex wife stole.

—Jarod Kintz

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Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like it, because as soon as your parents gain another child, you’ll quickly find...

—Jarod Kintz

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Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It’s easy! All you need to do is fill up a shopping cart full of bricks, park it outside of a grocery store, and wait for...

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick and blanket could be used to turn my words around like backwards high heels on my tongue .

—Jarod Kintz

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Among the strange things of this world, nothing seems more strange than that men pursuing happiness should knowingly quit the right and take a wrong road, and frequently do what their judgments neither approve nor...

—John Jay

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The world is a strange and wonderful place.

—Laurie Anderson

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If we are alone, we become more alone. Life is strange

—Paulo Coelho

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Strange dreams are better than no dreams at all.

—Vera Nazarian

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I think in L.A., in terms of the music scene, it’s a really strange place. It’s really hard to get the feeling that something’s happening, or the feeling that something can make it out of...

—Aleksa Palladino

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A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose my erection.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

—Jarod Kintz

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If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders,...

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall.

—Jarod Kintz

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My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used as a cock block.

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket could be used as a cover of your favorite song by your favorite cover band.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What kind of things are non-bricks? Well, anything from blankets to lies. So therefore,...

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used as a status symbol, much like a Mercedes is now. The cool thing about a brick is not only would it have zero emissions, but it would also have a...

—Jarod Kintz

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Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.

—Jarod Kintz

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She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love.

—Jarod Kintz

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Tis strange,-but true; for truth is always strange;Stranger than fiction: if it could be told,How much would novels gain by the exchange!How differently the world would men behold!

—George Gordon

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FictionOn-FictionStrange
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I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself.

—Jarod Kintz

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One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

—Jarod Kintz

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A brick could be used as a logo for a company called Blanket. A right turn signal in the left turn only lane could be used to represent a company called Brick.

—Jarod Kintz

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A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.

—Jarod Kintz

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Shoes are strange things. If you take your shoes off in a situation in which you’re vulnerable, you’ll feel 10 times more vulnerable.

—Daniel Day-Lewis

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SituationStrangeTimes
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