Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

I’d rather have a horse in a glass, because I’ll be just down the hall if you need me. My affection is fluid, so why won’t you let me love you?

I took some of the price off, and she took some of her clothes off. She made love and I made money.

I love strange things; my favorite movies are weird, eclectic, and intriguing.

A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been practicing my tuba, and I’m ready for a duet.

A blanket could be used as one square on a giant checkerboard.

I must settle for freedom in this modern time

it is strange that we first hurt by our parents- who are our creator.may be as to regulate us- but its hurt more.we can not forget it’s trauma till our death.

I try so hard not to think that I am a stranger in a strange land. But I know that I stand out.

That— we seemed to have decided without saying a word— might go a long way toward spoiling something that was special, and beautiful, by virtue of its strangeness and delicacy.

All things are strange which are worth knowing.

The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren’t for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that most of my books are ebooks and are perfect for emailing and I’m...

A brick could be used to stop war. Logically, a non-brick could be used to start a war. The most common non-brick war starter is of course a politician, which is misleading because despite being...

A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahead five minutes. Trust me, I’ve been to the future, and I was late.

A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry.

My routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used to replace my routine, because a comforter is a blanket.

A blanket could be used to draw a map on—a treasure map, and not something Google has knowledge of. Want to know what’s under the X? My erection.

I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously like a brick. The gravy is a blanket.

I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.

Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?

If you bring the blanket, I’ll bring the warmth.

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

A brick could be used as a key to unlock a door disguised as a brick wall. The security in the lock lies not with a one-of-a-kind key, but with a key that looks like...

An anomaly has his own ambitions. You can try reasoning with him, but that’s like using money to bribe a beast.

I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that “new car smell” all the time.

Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price.

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still...

I want to merge running a marathon and doing a handstand into one action. It will look similar to how I’d make love to a mannequin.

This is my building—and my office has the best possible view.”

It is very strange that the years teach us patience – that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.

I knew we were destined to be lovers from the moment she tied me up and stuffed me in the trunk of her car.

I love you” isn’t romantic. Still, I get credit for rowing, right?

Holding hands with your lover is special, especially when that hand is plastic, and that lover is a mannequin.

I loved her like the sun raining down on my skin. It was all so confusing, because was it raining or was it sunny? The answer is that love is always both, and that’s why...

Why donate to a sperm bank when you can deposit it directly in different women? When you love the world you try to seed it, like a porn farmer.

When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiffed medium or large.

A brick could be used to brighten up your day, like a lampshade over the sun dangling down over your dining room table. You’d better apply sunscreen to your ice cream or it’ll likely melt...

A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try reading it soundlessly.

Come Hell or High Water” usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Seniority has nothing to do with intellectuality, your individuality wins the majority or minority, simply because you maintained the status quo of your peculiarity.

She must have seen more of my charm than my strangeness tonight.

Sometimes strange fiction, becomes grim reality.

I’m this strange kind of fusion of jazz, pop, and R&B.

Some tiny creature, mad with wrath, is coming nearer on the path.

A blanket could be used to improve the quality of your trumpet playing. Wrap the blanket tightly around and in the horn section before you start blowing, and my ears will thank you.

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!

A blanket could be used to lay down the law. Lay it down over there, on top of the bed, and I’ll come over and enforce it.

A brick is slow, when it’s lying on the floor. But fast when just thrown.