Drilling without thinking has of course been Republican party policy since May 2008. With gas prices soaring to unprecedented heights, that’s when the conservative leader Newt Gingrich unveiled the slogan ‘Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay...

The garden is an unemployed township-based man’s cubicle.

Education inspires the educated to think for themselves. Schooled programs the schooled to work for others.

If I get famous, I’d seek employment in a wax museum—as a candle. If you fire me, make sure you blow me out before singing Happy Birthday.

Even with my deepest soul I knew too well that all of these were just a stairs to heaven.

Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra.

Somebody is born. Somebody goes to school. Somebody learns to conform. Somebody types a CV. Somebody gets a job. Somebody follows orders. Somebody gets a golden watch. And then, eventually, Somebody dies. And, a Nobody...

Working overtime is an underpaid man’s salvation.

The best way to get America back to work, and reduce our deficit, is hire all the photographers in the country, position them on street corners, and have them take pictures of all the license...

Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today’s employer is seeking.

A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract.

To be enslaved then, you needed to be ignorant. To be enslaved today, you need to be knowledgeable.

We need to make sure that joblessness never pays more than employment.

The market seems to have been greatly relieved by the employment report.

Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I spend my time saving money, I spend my money saving time, and I...

They are here on some sort of employment exchange program. The four folks who have been implicated in this incident, it is my understanding that they are being very cooperative and forthcoming.

12% of employees eat because they are hungry. 88% of employees eat because it is 1 o’clock.

School programs the schooled to type a CV. Life inspires the unschooled to type a business plan.

Realizing that many you once thought the world of are nothing but glorified assholes means you’ve grown up. 

A man who will steal for me will steal from me.” Theodore Roosevelt, dismissing on the spot one of his best cowhands who was about to claim for his boss an unmarked animal.

Prostitutes are paid for taking their clothes off. Celebrities are paid for putting others’ clothes on.

Periods are a period when nature forces prostitutes to go on leave.

Once employed, the employed’s friends are reduced to creatures that he only sees when he has a new problem, or, something new to show off.

Business: It is all about generating employment not about generating money.

It’s sad. What do you do?

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

Life ups the self-esteem of a low-paid man by giving him things that the high-paid man that he envies cannot buy (intellect, looks, sex appeal, etc.).

A prisoner is imprisoned by the crime that he has committed. A jailer is imprisoned — in the very same prison — by the employment contract that he has signed.

The market was overbought surrounding the employment report and the heavy supply is weighing on it.

…It is necessary for the average citizen, if he wishes to make a living, to avoid incurring the hostility of certain big men. And these big men have an outlook – religious, moral, and political...

As for your salary, how much you make is really up to you.” I love a business model where the employee pays the employer.

A genius does what he masters. An ordinary man tries to master what he does.

Self-employed people work where they live. Entrepreneurs live where they work.

Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.

These figures reflect the rather mixed picture of recent months. Employment is up by nearly 200,000 on the year and I am pleased to see the claimant count falling for the first time in a...

If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.

The rich spend their life living; the poor spend their life making a living.

Those who do not think that employment is systemic slavery are either blind or employed.

Able hands’ are more favorable to business than ‘adorable hearts’.

I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor.

When we saw a destitute-looking man trying to sell worn flip-flops, I vowed never to complain about a job again. When I considered the steady paycheck and quality of life it provided, my past gripes...

To a man, a woman is fun to be with … until she gains weight. To a woman, a man is fun to live with … until he loses his job.

Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.

We have more growth, more employment, lower inflation and tourism is doing well.

Imagination is pure potentiality for creation. We shouldn’t submit it to the hourly wages we subject our time at work.

COMEDIAN: […] What is it you do for a living?HECKLER: I mind my own business.COMEDIAN: Self-employed, eh? No really, what do you do?HECKLER: I try not to “do.

12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.

If growing up means not seeing one’s family and friends on the regular—all in the name of paying the bills, then growing up is overrated.

A celebrity’s body is an advertiser’s canvas.

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.