Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

I’m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Well, that our main concern is that Iraq should not become a divided country.

I like going into nature and that’s where I’m happiest.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them.

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that’s such a small part of...

I get mad at people who talk about traumatic job interviews, about going on one and getting rejected. I get rejected all the time and not only do I get rejected, but people have no...

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I think it’s because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that’s real.

I’m six foot four and a half and I have a temper. It’s reserved for very important issues. If someone is asking me to make an artistic concession, then I’ll become a madman.

It’s certainly a lot more difficult to get a project made if you’re talking about something progressive. That’s just the nature of the industry.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

It’s the biggest party in the world, and you have to keep the whole thing percolating, which is difficult because a lot of awards most people don’t care about.

They also have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

He is very dry but also very funny… I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it’s not a good place for you to be.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn’t be able to survive.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’

I don’t know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain’t even never been to a wedding.

I did some acting in high school, I knew I really liked it.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

I don’t view myself as a political leftie. I view myself as a storyteller who is fair to both sides.

Toy Soldiers was my introduction to film. I certainly didn’t think I was doing art by any stretch of the imagination.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh.

But thanks to the efforts, the initiative of the United States and of the several countries from the world, from Europe, including Turkey, it ended within a few weeks.

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how...

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I’m humble enough to wait and just chill. I’m having fun just working with these good people, man.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.

Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.

I’ve never been arrested. I’ve been stopped, searched and had a gun put to my head by the Chicago cops.

I wouldn’t say I’m a method actor. I do research when I feel I don’t have enough experience for the part I’m playing.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

I’m nuts and I know it. But so long as I make ’em laugh, they ain’t going to lock me up.

I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

Well, we wouldn’t even think of a military action because that would have extremely adverse results for Turkey. After all, we are on the borders.

I play basketball on Sundays and I’m a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why – he does.

I have lots of energy.

My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it’s like they weren’t even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

If I’m a commodity, it wouldn’t be a wise idea to buy stock in me – although, in the long run, maybe I’m a slow growth investment.

It’s difficult when you have to turn down a tremendous amount of money because you don’t like what the script is saying and you don’t have any money.

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… Well, it’s killing me!