A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.

Most people play a fair game of golf – If you watch them.

People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. ‘Get up early, work late – and strike oil.’

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions

We’ve heard they’ve had signs up about Cuero for the last three weeks, … We’re excited about playing this game but not to the point where we do not know what we’re doing. We just...

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

We’ve made pretty good progress. We’re the type of offense where when we need to score in crucial situations, we’re going to put points on the board.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Cut out those intimate little dinners for two – unless there’s someone with you

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why – he does.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors