Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

What’s a philosopher?’ said Brutha.Someone who’s bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,’ said a voice in his head.

The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity....

Just because you can explain it doesn’t mean it’s not still a miracle.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they’d seen the need for gods as the sort...

I’m just capable of entertaining the fantastic idea that, in certain circumstances, Homo sapiens might actually be capable of thinking. It must be worth a go, since we’ve tried everything else.

He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in...

There were only three times in your life when it was proper to come through the front door, and you were carried every time.

Is that all, sir? Only we’ve got stuff to finish before our knocking-off time, you see, and if we stay late we have to make more money to pay our overtime, and if the lads...

Belief, he says. Belief shifts. People start out believing in the god and end up believing in the structure.

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest...

I have told this to few people, gentlemen, and I suspect I never will again, but one day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald I was walking along the bank of...

He’d heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true.

Heaven has no taste. Now—and not one single sushi restaurant. A look of pain crossed the angel’s suddenly very serious face.

They’re nothing special. They’re no different from the rich and powerful except they’ve got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I’ve got...

They always gives me bath salts,” complained Nobby. “And bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff and I can’t think why, ‘cos it’s not as if I hardly...

He thought of the deep crevasses and windy caves of Underlay, and the stories of the creatures that dwelt there. Of course, he didn’t believe in them. He’d told them, because the handing on of...

Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a pickaxe, for the extraction of interesting minerals, and the other side...

You’re not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day?” said Angua.”I’ve heard he uses rats as spies, so I don’t think he’d use them as elevenses,” said Carrot.

‘This is nothing personal, you understand,’ said Charley to Nobby. ‘It’s just a wossname. Had a wizard in here the other night talking about it. Sort of bendy educational thing, you know?’ He appeared to...

Daphne’s thought in Nation: This was no time to go totally mad. You had to maintain standards.

Miss Tick sniffed. ‘You could say this advice is priceless,’ she said. ‘Are you listening?”Yes,’ said Tiffany.’Good. Now … if you trust in yourself …”Yes?”… and believe in your dreams …”Yes?”… and follow your star...

The apothecary’s name was Owlglass. He hummed to himself as he worked in his back room. He’d found a new type of blue fluff, which he was grinding down. It was probably good for curing...

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree

‘I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?’ Death thought about it ‘Cats,’ he said eventually, ‘Cats are nice.’

He’d been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Bursar? Yes, Archchancellor? You ain’t a member of some secret society or somethin’, are you? Me? No, Archchancellor. Then it’d be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

You say that you people don’t burn folk and sacrifice people anymore, but that’s what true faith would mean, y’see? Sacrificin’ your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin’ the truth...

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country,” he read. “This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.

There is always a choice.” “You mean I could choose certain death?” “A choice nevertheless, or perhaps an alternative. You see I believe in freedom. Not many people do, although they will of course protest...

Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.

Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out,” said the shopkeeper. “That’s what I’ve always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

We’re dealing here,” said Vimes, “With a twisted mind.””Oh, no! You think so?””Yes.””But… no… you can’t be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.””Not Nobby,” said Vimes testily. “Whatever he might do to...

You didn’t warn us about this, Readier,’ said Stowley resentfully.Gilt waved his hands. ‘We must speculate to accumulate!’ he said. ‘The Post Office? Trickery and sleight of hand. Oh, von Lipwig is an ideas man,...

… a metaphor … is like lying but more decorative.

Everyone has gods. You just don’t think they’re gods.

Because inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and...

And then there were cats, thought Dog. He’d surprised the huge ginger cat from next door and had attempted to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare and deep-throated growl,...

I don’t think it’s weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me.

Blessings be on this house,” Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people’s minds on what other things might be on this house.

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

Mr Vimes,” said Mrs Winkings, “ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch…”Say ‘Watch’, why don’t you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the...

Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding ‘Your money or your life’ had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on.

A good motto in life, he’d reckoned, was: don’t eat anything that glows.

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]

There’s one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises.