Living this long’s not as wonderful as people think. I mean, you get the same amount of youth as everyone else, but a great big extra helping of being very old and deaf and creaky.

Time and space were, from Death’s point of view, merely things that he’d heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe...

You’re saying,’ he said, weighing each word, ‘that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle.

Always be aware of any helpful item that weighs less than it’s operating manual.

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe- which was going to be hard, because there wasn’t one.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it.

An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one – black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in...

You can’t give her that!’ she screamed. ‘It’s not safe!’IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.’She’s a child!’ shouted Crumley.IT’S EDUCATIONAL.’What if she cuts herself?’THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

You’re not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?””Only a man would think of that.It’s our job,” said Moist. “If you don’t think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was...

Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn’t trust “Mothers of Borogravia!” and that was from the government. And if you couldn’t trust the government, who could you trust?Very nearly everyone, come...

He wasn’t sure he liked everything that was happening, but a lot of it was “cultural,” apparently, and you couldn’t object to that, so he didn’t. “Cultural” sort of solved problems by explaining that they...

Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

And just when you’d think [humans] were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they occasionally showed more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of.

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t...

We’ve strayed into a zone with a high magical index,’ he said. ‘Don’t ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and we’re feeling the after-effects.’Precisely,’...

D’yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!”Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly,...

TO CHANGE THE FATE OF ONE INDIVIDUAL IS TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

I thought you became vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now, what is it...

Supposing an emperor was persuaded to wear a new suit of clothes whose material was so fine that, to the common eye, the clothes weren’t there. And suppose a little boy pointed out this fact...

Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Men made dogs, they took wolves and gave them human...

Afterward, there was that long, crowded pause in which everyone decides that although they are very shaken, and possibly upside down, they are, to their surprise, still alive.

How hard can writing be? After all, most of the words are going to be ‘and,’ ‘the,’ and ‘I,’ and ‘it,’ and so on, and there’s a huge number to choose from, so a lot...

The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.

That was a dhlang!” he said. “An evil spirit! The peasants down in the valleys hang up charms against them! But I thought they were just a superstition!””No, they’re a substition,” said Susan. “I mean...

Inspirations sleet through the universe continuously. Their destination, as if they cared, is the right mind in the right place at the right time. They hit the right neuron, there’s a chain reaction, and a...

Everyone’s thinking these days. I think there’s a good deal too much of this thinking, that’s what I think. We never thought about thinking when I was a lad. We’d never get anything done if...

Insanity is catching.

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.

But not for long,” said Nanny wistfully.

The Quantum Weather Butterfly ( Papilio Tempestae ) is an undistinguished yellow color, its outstanding feature is its ability to create weather. This presumably began as a survival trait, since even an extremely hungry bird...

The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedness.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I...

YOU’RE ONLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE, he said.That’s what being alive is all about.

[Science fiction is] out in the mainstream now. You can tell by the way mainstream literary authors pillage SF while denying they’re writing it!

And so Mort came at last to the river Ankh, greatest of rivers. Even before it entered the city, it was slow and heavy with the silt of the plains, and by the time it...

This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That’s why everything is exactly the wrong way around.

Big fat hairy monkey, hands a couple of octaves wide?

“Surely you have considered terrorist activity?”There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere,...

The universe, they say, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty, and bloody-mindedness.

but only if you wave them about on the floor with a scrubbing brush.

Destiny was funny stuff, he knew. You couldn’t trust it. Often you couldn’t even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence. You...

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.”So we can believe the big ones?”YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

Once we were blobs in the sea, and then fishes, and then lizards and rats and then monkeys, and hundreds of things in between. This hand was once a fin, this hand once had claws!...

He said it was better to belong where you don’t belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.

I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins.

Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll...

Always face what you fear. Have just enough money, never too much, and some string. Even if it’s not your fault, it’s your responsibility. Witches deal with things. Never stand between two mirrors. Never cackle....

I’m sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures,” said the Senior Wrangler sourly.”That is so,’ said Ponder, “but I’m afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance.