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Ogden Nash  Quotes
Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that’s both is dental.

—Ogden Nash

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DentalHumorPain
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If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

—Ogden Nash

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Earn
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Parsley is gharsley.

—Ogden Nash

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FoodHumorParsley
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Women would rather be right than reasonable.

—Ogden Nash

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RatherReasonable
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I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I’ll never see a tree at all.

—Ogden Nash

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BillboardFallUnless
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Commitments the voters don’t know about can’t hurt you.

—Ogden Nash

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HurtVoters
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Higgledy piggledy, my black hen,She lays eggs for gentlemen.Gentlemen come every dayTo count what my black hen doth lay.If perchance she lays too many,They fine my hen a pretty penny;If perchance she fails to lay,The...

—Ogden Nash

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HumourPoetry
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

—Ogden Nash

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DogDoorWrong
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To keep your marriage brimming,With love in the loving cup,Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;Whenever you’re right, shut up.”~Happy birthday Ogden Nash! (born 8.19.1902)

—Ogden Nash

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AdviceAuthorBooks
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Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?

—Ogden Nash

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DirectLineYear
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There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

—Ogden Nash

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AchieveEither
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I am tarred and feathered with Time.

—Ogden Nash

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AgingTime
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How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry...

—Ogden Nash

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BansheesDrinkingHangover
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I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

—Ogden Nash

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PhraseSexWoman
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Very Like a WhaleOne thing that literature would be greatly the better forWould be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and metaphor.Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons or Celts,Can’ts seem...

—Ogden Nash

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HumorPoemPoetry
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I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

—Ogden Nash

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FeedOughtStop
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The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

—Ogden Nash

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GrinSin
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Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

—Ogden Nash

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CandyDrinkingJingle
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Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;She thinks she scolds because he drinks;And nether will admit what’s true,That he’s a sot and she’s a shrew.

—Ogden Nash

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Poetry
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The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

—Ogden Nash

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CowMilk
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He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who’s served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance.

—Ogden Nash

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CrimeExperience-To-LetJail
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Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

—Ogden Nash

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BelongClubConvinced
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Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

—Ogden Nash

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CandyLiquorQuicker
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The Bronx? No Thonx!

—Ogden Nash

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New-York-City
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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

—Ogden Nash

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MoneyPayPeople
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Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for.

—Ogden Nash

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HappyIgnoreParents
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…I would not engage the wombatIn any form of mortal combat.

—Ogden Nash

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AnimalsCombatFights
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One man’s remorse is another man’s reminiscence.

—Ogden Nash

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Remorse
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The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our...

—Ogden Nash

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LeaveNight
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Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

—Ogden Nash

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FantasyImaginationMonster
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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

—Ogden Nash

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EraNewsWrong
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In the world of mulesThere are no rules.

—Ogden Nash

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MulesRules
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Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

—Ogden Nash

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HappensWhatever
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Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

—Ogden Nash

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HappyParents
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A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

—Ogden Nash

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ChildrenColdFamily
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Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

—Ogden Nash

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NaiveOhParents
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Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.

—Ogden Nash

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Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

—Ogden Nash

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FloorWaxed
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Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

—Ogden Nash

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ItchScratch
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Were it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

—Ogden Nash

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EmbarassmentFrustrationHumanity
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I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

—Ogden Nash

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DogsMothers
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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

—Ogden Nash

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AllianceWhom
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Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

—Ogden Nash

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MindRemorseViolent
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I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

—Ogden Nash

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LivingRather
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Everybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn’t a baby ought to have a baby,Which accounts for the success of such plays as the Irish Rose of Abie,The idea apparently being that just by...

—Ogden Nash

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BabiesChildren
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Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

—Ogden Nash

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MeetMiddle
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The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

—Ogden Nash

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BecomesTrouble
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There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

—Ogden Nash

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FriendsTerrible
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To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.

—Ogden Nash

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HumorMarriage
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Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

—Ogden Nash

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MightOnce
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