Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven’t done.
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
I claim there ain’t Another Saint As great as Valentine.
Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that’s both is dental.
If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Commitments the voters don’t know about can’t hurt you.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
…I would not engage the wombatIn any form of mortal combat.
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.