A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Were it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.