One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

A brick could be used as a logo for a company called Blanket. A right turn signal in the left turn only lane could be used to represent a company called Brick.

A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.

Being weird adds spice to life. Having weird friends just deepens the flavor

A blanket could be used to rob a bank. Guns are so Bonnie and Clyde, but a blanket bank robbery has a certain amount of seduction involved. A blanket has a lot more banging involved...

A brick could be used as a book cover. Talk about hardcover!

Made weird children–will die proud. -Rachel Pealer

When a woman is very, very bad, she is awful, but when a man is correspondingly good, he is weird.

I think probably the scariest thing, as weird as it sounds, was ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and the flying monkeys with the witch. I remember seeing that – it still seems freaky.

We have the best rats in town!

We’re a rock group. we’re noisy, rowdy, sensational and weird.

The More Interesting Than.” I would say get Miley Cyrus to do it, but she isn’t interesting enough.

A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never calls me.

The Titanic.” Surely a brick with that name would never sink.

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.

A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at least unless a hurricane gets here, which would mean the government knocked down...

leadership” in Washington DC—on both sides of the political spectrum.

Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks, where will we keep all the gold that’s kept there? I still need...

A brick could be used to let that special someone in your life know how much you love them. Instead of tossing out a careless I love you, try tossing a brick at them instead.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.

A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no. Well, forget yes altogether, but use brick for every response except one: What...

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.

A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart transplant. And for just $20,000 more dollars, that brick could be replaced with a new heart.

A brick is what I’m voting for for President. And guess what? If you’re voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.

A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.

A blanket could represent change, and a brick represents consistency. Do you embrace the blanket, or the brick?

A brick could be used to make love better. Faster isn’t always better. Don’t you want to make love better?

A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.

Bricks could be used as breast implants. Lady Squaretits is really particular about the shape of her boobs.

We’re all here. We’re close to the truck, and we met Kenton, a fine citizen of Salem. We rescued Izzy and found our way through a very sad darkness, dangers that we knew from Izzy’s...

I love cleaning, weird but true. It really relaxes me.

The next I’m standing on a street corner in Madrid with a secret phone and a hole in my arm and I’m bleeding all over, hoping I don’t get arrested. It was completely crazy. But...

Isn’t it weird? The way you remember things when it’s gone.

Music is just such… it’s not therapy, but it’s a release, it’s a joy, it’s a pleasure. And it’s a job – which is weird, because I don’t think of it as a job.

I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.

A brick could be used to remind you. I would remind you of what you need to be reminded about, but that’s not my role—that’s the brick’s place.

A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that doesn’t mean one is good and the other is bad.

A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.

A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.

A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information,...

A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.

A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.

A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model...

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can’t tell you. What part about secret don’t you understand?

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

A brick could be used in place of a diamond on a wedding ring. Your wife’s probably going to divorce you and take the house anyway, so you might as well give her the first...