A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.

Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing.

I seriously believed that my last hour was approaching, and yet, so strange is imagination, all I thought of was some childish hypothesis or other. In such circumstances, you do not choose your own thoughts....

Just because it makes no sense doesn’t mean it’s not good advice.

There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find...

Spring Break is very strange. I grew up in France, so I don’t know Spring Break. That doesn’t exist in Europe.

In a strange way, I’m way more comfortable onstage than anywhere else.

A brick could be used to practice your telepathic levitation. If you can lift the brick, you’ll lift your spirits.

A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough verticalocity to it.

Bricks could be used to generate smiles among the general population. Just hand them out, along with handshakes, and say, This will make everything OK. And guess what? They’ll believe you.

A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never...

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.

Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.

A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate?

A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.

A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I am the cement that holds everyone’s shoes in sync at the bottom of...

A brick could be used as a fashion accessory. Or an accessory to murder. I believe the phrase is, “If looks could kill.

Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die.

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.

A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test if it opens up properly. Well, the good news is the parachute worked as planned, but the bad news...

There has always been a strange dissonance between the public and the private in Nigeria.

I have a strange relationship with time. I’m not aware of it passing.

A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this...

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

My high school teachers didn’t call me “The Babe Ruth of the Bicycle” for nothing. It’s too bad they didn’t call me that, because it was accurate.

When love knocked at my door, I prayed to God and thanked Him for letting me live in a Porta-potty.

My car would look better with a mustache for a bumper. Then pedestrians would know that I am a superior lover, just before I hit on them.

I want her when she doesn’t want me, and I don’t want her when she wants me. Now that’s love in the 21st century!

… strange things may be generally accounted for if their cause be fairly seached out.

A brick could be flipped over and turned endlessly. But it still won’t start your car.

The Builders are building with you in mind, dear citizen, so don’t worry your tiny mind about whether the bricks they are using are going to construct schools or prisons. They won’t tell, and you...

At this point I think we need to embrace the weird. High-five it. Give it our phone number.

I wish kids at school would quit calling me a porno dork-face, though. There wasn’t any sex involved! I got knocked out, I panicked and called the cops. Okay, somewhere along the line everybody’s clothes...

It is an odd thing, owing life to pills, one’s own quirks and tenacities, and this unique, strange, and ultimately profound relationship called psychotherapy.

Comics are in my blood. It’s my strange addiction, and I love it.

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

A brick could be used to silence your critics. Think of it like a really thick and unchewy piece of chewing gum.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket...

A brick could be a breath freshener for a dragon. But so could a mint-flavored baby.

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those...

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...