It’s certainly TOUGH being AWESOME all the time, but I do it so the kids have someone to look up to!

She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.

If internet explorer is brave enough to ask you to make it your default browser, then you are brave enough to ask your crush out.

You somehow make it outta here and track me down, you best come with a furious rage–because I got no use for your sympathy.

Yelling doesn’t get your point across, it only makes it louder.

I suppose that means you don’t want any band-aids, either,” I said, a touch more bitterly than I’d meant to.

I am what prevents the Accelerator from being a bomb.””Except you didn’t,” said Gracious. “Because you weren’t around.””I got bored.””You’re a machine.””Machines can become bored, too.”Gracious looked suddenly concerned. “My toaster is bored?””Perhaps, ” said...

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming.

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, “Bless you,” and would I get him a bottle of Satan’s Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs?Sure thing, Pastor.

Just because you fall down doesnt mean your hurt in the process yet mabey you found your lost ear ring

I never really grew up until I had kids.

Mr Davis was a middle class tremble of a man worried about an unseemly display and his Jerry Springer moment

Learn to appreciate the things you have in the life you’re living. It is your present.

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.

Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.

Awesome is a substance I sell in times of peace. And despair. It’s slippery and smells like freedom, so do not attempt to apply it anally. That advice is mostly directed at politicians.

A ray of sunshine, I bring to the world my passion of guiding others to their point of power by first loving themselves from the inside out. I Am on a never ending journey of...

I’m going down! Because you ain’t around, baby, my whole world’s upside down!

Hey a rant. Haven’t done one of those in a while. S’good to stretch out the Longevitus Ranticus section of the brain once in a while, otherwise you just become passive and might even- god...

Positive thinking will let you use the ability which you have, and that is awesome.

Do you find this…distracting?

I saw Cheap Trick play ‘In Color,’ and it was awesome.

Life is but a story told at one’s funeral

My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we fill the time with silence.

He looked at Ghastly. “Thoughts?””I want to kill Sanguine,” was the first thing Ghastly said. “And I want to do it slowly, in front of a lot of people. Using a hammer.”Skulduggery nodded. “Very healthy.

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

Whats the point in being grown up when you cant act childish sometimes?

The sun’s glow had given way to a brilliant twilight that colored the great mountains with violet and orange rivers.

It’s tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!

Bat stood in the open door and said “I am a crime scene unit detective from the New York City Police Department, you heinous fucking mongoloid, and there is nothing I cannot do.

Metaphor is one of thoughts most essential tools. It illuminates what would otherwise be totally obscure. But the illumination is sometimes so bright that it dazzles instead of revealing.

Dumbledore was on his feet again, pale as any of the surrounding Inferi, but taller than any too, the fire dancing in his eyes; his wand was raised like a torch and from its tip...

When the moment shifts, and you realize you don’t actually want to be alone, that underneath the bravado is an ache that won’t quite fade away, you’re not only aware of how lonely you are,...

Hmmm… that’s interesting.””What?””There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.

Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it...

She smiled. “How…cute.” She chose the word rather like a candy, which she bit.

Mmm. Cupcakes.

You… can’t… have… my… son!” she screamed, and threw herself forward, pulling on the horn with all her strength. Torn from its perch, the demon took ribbons of flesh with it, as Kally flipped it...

I’m not the one with the problem its the world who seems to have a problem with me

love the life you live.live the life you love.

I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.

It is wonderful, awesome and merrywise to see satan lose the battle to us in fear and panic and shame! Our victory is in Christ Jesus!

Did those nice church ladies come by again?” He nodded. “I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a...

Plus my boots were made of awesome.

Adele shattered the image of how the stereotypical singer is supposed to look. She has that whole ‘Screw you, I’m awesome for what I do’ attitude, which I really look up to and want to...

I don’t care what people say about how I look or even their opinion on my relationship. But the moment you judge my character is when we have a problem.

He felt split in two, one crazy man eating hair and one rational man watching a crazy man eat hair. He chewed and swallowed the last pieces of his father’s life. He felt like he...

Those who think they know it ALL don’t know what they are missing!

Okay, let’s see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle. Now if only we could figure out where the brain has moved.

Go ahead,” Leandro tempted, “I dare you.” “I’m a theif, my hands are fast.” “I’m a murderer, so are mine.