To leave a man’s ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet.

Crime does not pay … if you get caught.

Those who find it hypocritical of others to use, say, a smartphone, to speak ill of capitalism, needs to be reminded that capitalism is an ideology, not a technology.

The boring thing about being interesting is that you bore boring people.

As uncomfortable as it might be, I refuse to let the comfort of being agreed with suffocate my opinions.

If man was a logical creature: his last suspect—namely, his mouth—was going to be the first; whenever he thinks that someone, or, something is smelly.

Alcohol is evil … until your loved one gets employed by a brewery.

Arguments led by subjectivity are a waste of time. And, if they take place online, add to that, a waste of one’s keyboard.

A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date.

One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.

The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.

There are two kinds of humble people: (1) Humble people; and (2) broke people.

In any sane society, a farmer is a billion times more important than an economist.

Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work.

Air freshener is man’s pitiful attempt to have his food smell as good, after digestion, as they did, before ingestion.

To hear how much of a great human being you were — even if you really weren’t — open your ears at your funeral.

If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.

When you decide to meet—in person—someone that you met online, would you then be taking your relationship to the ‘previous’ level?

Life’s most rewarding forms of being: Being patient, and, being yourself.

To be called insane: challenge convention. To be called possessed: challenge religion.

For the most difficult way to be retweeted, or, liked: be thought-provoking. For the easiest way: quote Oprah, or, the Bible.

A celebrity’s body is an advertiser’s canvas.

Once born, how long a man will live matters. Once dead, how long he has lived doesn’t.

Who you are —and what you have—today, is a reflection of how fearful or fearless you were yesterday.

He who was given the freedom to ask whatever should give the freedom to be answered however.

Compared with lesbians, gays seem to be more unapologetic about their sexual orientation. The former must not have balls.

To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is.

12% of people marry because they are completely in love. 88% of people marry just so they are then liable for only half of their rent.

When rich, being poor seems *adventurous.*

To a misogynist: To err is woman.

A belief is an uneducated guess.

Marriage converts a player into a polygamist.

Man usually sees what he is looking for; seldom what he is looking at.

Mr. Right’ is usually two or eight men.

Sense isn’t democratic. A senseless opinion that’s advocated by ‘the majority’ is still senseless.

The only things that old age comes standard with: grey hair and wrinkles. Wisdom and intellect are earned.

Insurance companies sell what might happen tomorrow. Historians sell what certainly happened yesterday.

We’re all geniuses. Life is merely overpopulated with singers who play drums, and, drummers who sing, to pay rent.

Chances are that whatever that you are worried about—be it a person or a thing—isn’t worried about you.

Before civilization, artists painted for the living. Today, most paint for a living.

Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.

It is rude to tweet while having sex. However, it is not rude to have sex while tweeting.

To the family of a victim of a fatal accident, the deceased was at the wrong place at the wrong time. To the family of the morgue owner, the deceased was at the right place...

Girls like well-built boys. Women love well-paid men.

Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.

We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work.

A slice of bread eaten is a million times more nourishing than a loaf of bread imagined.

Education is what they equip you with; just in case your dream doesn’t workout.

Being shy is a symptom of a low self-esteem.

Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.