Curran snarled and hurled the rock against the mountain. The boulder flew, hit like a cannon ball, and rolled back down. Curran chased it, pulled another smaller rock out of the dirt, and smashed it...

Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. “THe only man who gets to call me’love’ would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. Fun night....

Curran looked back at me. “Why is it you always attract creeps?””You tell me.” Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.

Doode,” George said.He’d practiced all morning but still didn’t get it quite right. “Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude.””Dude.””Dude.””Okay, dude.” George nodded. “How’s it hanging?” Jack asked. “How am I supposed to answer that?” George...

Failure happened. The trick was to accept the risk and try anyway.

I need to fan myself.””No, you don’t.

My investigative technique mostly consisted of going through the list of interested parties and making as much noise as possible, until the culprit lost his patience and tried to shut me up.

She can tell you the height of the attacker from the trigonometry of the blood spatter, while I’m fuzzy on what trigonometry is.

Nice plan. Take the gullible outsiders, walk them around for a bit, then feed them to the giant tortoise.

I’d give him a cup of coffee and a big helping of a knuckle sandwich. Generosity was a virtue and I was in the mood to be extremely virtuous.

Don’t worry, he’s coming with me to investigate things.””In the city?” Jim asked.”Yes.””That’s a great idea. You both should go. To the city.”Curran and I looked at each other.”He’s trying to get rid of us,”...

Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.

Bad hobo.”The finger kept coming closer.

All his internal organs, with the exception of the heart, atrophied long ago. The throat makes for a very good storage cavity. People seem to prefer it to the anus.”Translation: be happy I didn’t pull...

I’m secure enough in myself to wear panties with bows on them. Besides, they are comfy and soft.””I bet.” He almost purred.I gulped.

I’m going to kick you in the head when I get home. Repeatedly.

You’ll lose.””What makes you so sure?””You have no discipline. All you do is tear down shit down. My father is a bastard, but at least he builds things. You turn cities into smoking ruins and...

Unfortunately, the Best Lord had condemned both vehicles as unsafe and instead I now leased a Pack Jeep I called Hector. Equipped with dual engines, Hector worked during magic or tech. He didn’t go very...

Curran strode toward me, eyes blazing. “If I let her go, I’ll need a replacement. Want to volunteer for the job.”He looked like he wouldn’t be taking no for an anser. I swiped Slayer from...

Rose put down her fork. “Lord Submarine…” “Camarine.” “Whatever.

Kate’s Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

No, you can’t,” a distant voice answered

Since I’ve moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven’t even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a...

I’ll call you,” he repeated.”If you call me, I won’t pick up the phone.””You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak...

Enough,” Curran said. An unmistakable command saturated his voice. Jim clicked his mouth shut. I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry, is this the part where I fall to my knees and shiver in fear, Your...

Dear rabbis, I’m so sorry, I nuked your circle dude. Here is his head as a souvenir. Yeah, that would fly.

One day I’ll kill him, you know.I glanced at her. She was deadly serious.

Nope.

Well, when it became obvious that magic was going to wreck the computer networks, people tried to preserve portions of the Internet. They took snapshots of their servers and sent the data to a central...

I can’t give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you’d set it on fire.

At the door, Audrey called, “Are you coming?””No, just breathing hard, love.” He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, “Oh, my God!

Nothing kills a party like an oversize metal hedgehog.

I don’t want it to be attributed to a loss of control on my part. When I throw you out of the window, I want there to be no doubt the act was deliberate.

Would you like to work here with me?We have no clients and the pay is shit.

People around me die. They drop like flies. I’ve gone through life leaving a trail of dead bodies behind me. My mother is dead, my guardian is dead, my aunt is dead—because I killed her,...

I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I’ve drowned the Beast Lord.

It was his eyes. When you looked into them, you saw chained violence baring teeth and claws back at you.

You!

What’s that?””That’s my attack poodle.

Im’s offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk’s claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk,...

I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl.

I know it’s late, but could you find a book for me? It’s called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition by Osvintsev.”Barabas sighed dramatically. “Kate, you make me despair. Let’s try that again from the...

He groaned and I saw his face. “Curran!” I would’ve preferred a homicidal lunatic. Oh, wait…

The Oracle rose. As one, the three witches bowed.”See?” Bran jerked his thumb at the three women. “That’s how a woman should treat a man. Next time you see me, I want you to do...

Well, check this out. Mine is bigger.

My father knew he was a bastard. He was the venomous serpent in a bed of roses. Apparently, he didn’t just acknowledge that fact, he beat people over the head with it. All that was...

The woman stared at the ruined body. Blood dripped from her arm. A fine spray of red covered her face –must’ve been cast off when she slammed down the cans. She wiped her face with...

Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.

Awesome.

I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. “I’m sorry, I must’ve missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me.” from Clean Sweep