A man is only as effective as the effect he has on his surroundings,’ Gordon was saying. ‘And if a man is not effective, if his very being is as insubstantial as thought, then what...

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.

If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine.

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

mostly we’ve had to found ways to amuse ourselves.””Really?” Valkyrie asked. “Like what?”Plight’s smile faded. “Like human sacrifice.”He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried out.Then they both let go. laughing.”Naw,”...

Hmmm… that’s interesting.””What?””There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.

The three of usgetting along so well.

The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.

Portia followed after, a smirk on her face, and Syc hissed as he passed.Donegan waited till they were gone, then swung round to Gracious.”He hissed at me.””He hissed at you.””Should I hiss back?””It’s a bit...

at least that’s still there.””Do you know anything about engines?” Stephanie asked.”That’s why I have a husband, so I don’t have to. Engines and shelves, that’s why men were invented.”Stephanie made a mental note to...

Plans are invitation to disappointment.

He crouched at the care window and looked in. “What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They’re all lovely. Except for that one.” His finger jabbed the glass. “That one’s a bit...

There’s a clock on the wall. Press your hand against the face and turn it very slightly to the. Left. There’ll be a click to tell you it’s done.””Sounds easy enough.””Yes it does,” said Sanguine....

He could wear hats. He could wear an assortment of hats of different shapes and styles. Boater hats, cowboy hats, bowler hats. The list went on. Pork-pie hats, bucket hats, trillbies and panamas. Top hats,...

Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill. It’s quite a thing, to experience that urge,...

But I’m really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.

What’s a Dullahan?”He’s a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.”Headless?”Yes.”Seriously?”Yes.”So he has no head?”That’s usually what headless means.”No head at all?”You’re really getting hung up on this headless thing, aren’t you?”It’s just kind...

We watch television and we play music, but mostly we’ve found ways to amuse ourselves.” “Really?” Valkyrie asked. “Like what?”Plight’s smile faded. “Like human sacrifice.”He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie...

Aurora sagged. “Why is it,” she asked, “that every time I’m with you two we end up stealing something big?””We always return it,” Donegan said, a little defensively. “Maybe not always in one piece or...

A living skeleton isn’t enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?

He looked at Ghastly. “Thoughts?””I want to kill Sanguine,” was the first thing Ghastly said. “And I want to do it slowly, in front of a lot of people. Using a hammer.”Skulduggery nodded. “Very healthy.

Through the gaps in the books, Ryan could see someone in the next aisle over, moving slowly. Someone in black. Someone whistling. Ryan recognized the tune. It was the theme music to Harry Potter.

Gordon Edgley’s sudden death came as a shock to everyone – not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book,...

You don’t treat me like a child.”He smiled. “Of course I do, but you seem to have this ridiculous notion that being treated like a child means to be treated with less respect than an...

Violence?”Skulduggery said. “Violence is never the answer, until it’s the only answer.

The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves squelched under her feet. There was movement up ahead: two teenagers, a pale boy...

I’m placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don’t know, possibly littering.

Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.’I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,’ he explained, and pointed to...

Skul-man!’ he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. ‘Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!’ Skulduggery nodded. ‘Just got back.

Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.

If he can’t get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?””With great care,” Donegan suggested.”How about we run off shout and they follow?” Said Gracious. “Then, just when they think they’ve...

Valkyrie made a face. “Bloody vampires.”Ryan sat forward. “That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?””We don’t talk about vampires,” Skulduggery warned.”But it was daytime. How could he have been out during...

The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man’s voice called, “Uh, hello?”Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again.”Hello,” Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm....

Or at least half price.” And he was gone again.

I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.

Talking about one’s feelings defeats the purpose of having those feelings. Once you try to put the human experience into words, it becomes little more than a spectator sport. Everything must have a cause, and...

Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you...

The Engineer smiled (internally, for of course it had no mouth). It was feeling good. It was feeling optimistic. Moving at its current speed, it would arrive back in Ireland in plenty of time to...

I had an uneventful few days,” it told her. “The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year’s exam will arrive sooner than we...

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.

They’re not going to arrest you,’ Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. ‘They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won’t arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There’s a...

What?” she asked again.He pointed ahead of them. “See that?””What, the snow?””Beyond that.””More snow?””Stop looking at the snow.

He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips around his mouth and mashed her face into his. He took a step back...

Doesn’t sunlight kill them? Doesn’t it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?””Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.

My wife was saying to me just the other day how she’s noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.’ ‘I missed you too, Thurid.

Skulduggery’s silly little code actually works.

Corrival looked around. ‘So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.”Me?’ Ravel asked. ‘Why do I have to start...

Sometimes it’s not what you say, Valkyrie, it’s just the fact that you’re saying it.

Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.

I was going straight for Mantis, but then that bloody gas got in my eyes and, I don’t know, some massive bloke reared up in front of me. I hit him, but I swear, it...