I want to design sleeveless jackets for armless men. I’m still trying to work out how they would zip it up though.

I whirled in the room like a tornado wearing a tracksuit. I wasn’t wearing a tracksuit, but I did have a smirk like a zipper. I loved her like my fly was open to criticism.

Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.

And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offended, so I zipped up my pants and left the wedding reception.

I had a dream about you. You winked at me and said the meat’s fresh, and I didn’t know which meat you were referring to. So I zipped up my pants and left the Men’s...

I showed my concern by showing her my penis. Was that not appropriate behavior at a funeral? What better way to display a lifetime of love that’s been zipped away from the eyes of world?

Some men eat dinner with silverware. Some use chopsticks. I prefer zippers.

My pants pant like a dog, and they drool at the zippered mouth. When I go for a walk, they go for a walk. Now, if only they could play fetch.

Where other men failed, I was able to unzip her pants. All I did was gently turn the handle. I make love like a locksmith in a room with no doors.

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.

For the longest time I thought I was blind, until I realized my eyelids were just shut. So I unzipped my pants and got on with my life. After I quit the Helen Keller Society,...

The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.