Social media can connect you with other people in so many wonderful ways – but it can also make you really sick of yourself.

I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover.

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

The Mile High City has mile-high expectations. That’s 5,280 feet, you know. That’s five millipedes and 2.8 centipedes for all you lovers out there.

I’d rather have a horse in a glass, because I’ll be just down the hall if you need me. My affection is fluid, so why won’t you let me love you?

I took some of the price off, and she took some of her clothes off. She made love and I made money.

I know it doesn’t feel this way all the time, but we get to choose what we care about and what we spend our resources on. We choose what – or ideally whom – to...

I’m very fortunate. I have a wonderful family, lots of hobbies and athletic pursuits. I always wanted to have a very well-rounded life.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Religion is a strange, wonderful thing. More crimes have been committed in the name of righteousness than any other notion.

If you hear how wonderful you are often enough, you begin to believe it, no matter how you try to resist it.

The hardest thing to teach young writers is that it’s wonderful to tell your truth. And that’s what you should do. But it damn well better be beautiful.

I’m just having a wonderful time. It’s an interesting thing that I’m very comfortable with this material and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I did MacBeth.

Your leftover meatloaf makes me horny. Let us make love like the first squirt from a new bottle of ketchup.

real” relationship?

eccentric.” Let this be a lesson in love.

Ah, you shouldn’t have!” I love a box full of emptiness.

I loved her like the sun raining down on my skin. It was all so confusing, because was it raining or was it sunny? The answer is that love is always both, and that’s why...

Why donate to a sperm bank when you can deposit it directly in different women? When you love the world you try to seed it, like a porn farmer.

I’ve had a wonderful life with music.

I would love to go to Iran. The island of Madagascar, everyone says is pretty exotic, or the wonderful Namibian desert.

I think what’s wonderful is that ‘Community’ has always had its voice, has always had it’s vision, and that started from the very beginning.

There was this wonderful trick of going to the theater with my parents and sitting in the audience under the watchful eye of an usher, and then these other people would come on the stage:...

Magnus had animated one of his magnificent Chinese fans, and it flapped ineffectively at him, barely stirring the breeze. It was, if he was completely honest with himself (and he did not want to be),...

I don’t like like like I love love, but I’ll bet we have that in common. You have so much love to give that I’m surprised I haven’t received any of it.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Like most writers, I find the Web is a wonderful distraction. Who doesn’t need that last minute research before writing?

Don’t keep me in the dark—let me take off my honorary Helen Keller blindfold and let’s make love like we have no senses except nonsense.

My love is shaped like a dog whistle—the sound, not the thing. As a lover, I’m a fighter. But dogs have more bark than me—and so do trees.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

I called her Nebraska, because she was from Iowa. We made love like the Midwest. Well, not all of it. More like the Midwest minus Kansas, if you know what I mean.

I believe that my parents did wonderful things for us.

The language of all the interpretations, the translations, of the Judaic Bible and the Christian Bible, is musical, just wonderful. I read the Bible to myself; I’ll take any translation, any edition, and read it...

I think especially in a world where you have so little say about what goes on in your life, or in the politics of the world around you, it is wonderful to go into that...

That’s what makes the Ryder Cup in golf so much better than the Masters or the U.S. Open. To be a part of something that is not about personal achievement, but about representing everyone and...

Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Everything is just better in California – the wine, the food, fruits and vegetables, the comforts of living. Even the instrumentalists are generous and curious. Everything is wonderful.

What’s different about the Gospel of Thomas is that, instead of focusing entirely on who Jesus is and the wonderful works of Jesus, it focuses on how you and I can find the kingdom of...

Motorcycle helmets are bottomless. Strippers are topless. And my love is middleless.

If I can scoop soup at 20 MPH while riding a three-legged horse, just imagine how great of a lover I am when I’m lying perfectly still.

I loved her bravely, like a fighter turned sprinter. I loved her so fiercely that I never even dared speak of my feelings. And because I displayed as much passion as a statue, our relationship...

My love for her is deep, like the ocean, only not so salty. My love for her probably only has as much salt as a bag of potato chips, though it’s much, much more addicting...

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

It’s lovely to be told you’re wonderful by someone when you’re used to being told how awful you are.

I think it’s one of my favourite theatres ever, so quirky and wonderful and steeped in history. The space is wonderful and the acoustics are brilliant.

I still love the book-ness of books, the smell of books: I am a book fetishist—books to me are the coolest and sexiest and most wonderful things there are.

We weren’t wealthy but we definitely weren’t poor. We were incredibly rich because there was a wonderful community in Shepherd’s Bush, where I grew up. All my friends were into villainy and crime.

It hurts to remember you. But it scares me to try and forget. I remember you telling me that my love for you shouldn’t hurt, that it should be something wonderful. And it is. It...