A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s started to turn green. It’s sad really, when you consider all the sandwiches...

A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry.

Free sex with room.”

A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there.

A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too.

A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to use it up at all. Well, if you won’t use it, then give...

I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich.

A blanket could be used as Concealment Revealer. It both conceals and reveals, like great dialogue. Here’s some great dialogue I wrote for two characters, Mr. Brick, and Ms. Blanket: Mr. Brick: I like your...

A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when you need it?

A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the same way that the very fabric of our democracy is torn.

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

I’ve had weird, weird acting jobs. Low-budget filmmaking where you find yourself in really bizarre places.

A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half, whichever makes me appear the most generous.

A blanket could be used to find the Brick of Truth. Many lies will be layered on the Brick of Truth to try to cover it up, but the blanket will cover up all the...

A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet.

A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm things up would be most welcomed.

A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.

Certainly I had a really terrible time with ‘Emotionally Weird.’ When I finished it, I thought, ‘I can’t write any more.’

Everybody’s weird, fundamentally everybody is a snap. Sometimes it’s a sexual thing and sometimes it’s a different kind of weirdness, but one way or another everybody’s nuts.

Most geniuses are weird.

Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal.

There’s a lot of crazy, weird people out there. It’s an ugly world.

A certain atmosphere of breathless and unexplainable dread of outer, unknown forces must be present; and there must be a hint, expressed with a seriousness and portentousness becoming its subject, of that most terrible conception...

A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be ready to play receiver.

A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA.

A brick could be slid on a wood floor, like a rolling bowling ball, in an attempt to fill the seconds between swallows of beer.

A brick could be used to stop a murder. Just wedge it in front of the door of the murderer, and enclose him in his room.

A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a stick. Think of it like a one-bladed helicopter, and picture yourself as dry...

A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option.

A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream on the turbulent river of my subconscious. Some of my thoughts can be quite windy, gusts with gusto, like a...

A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.

I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.

A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.

There are Michael Scott moments, which are character choices, but there are also Steve’s reads. Usually the things that I’m the biggest fan of are these weird reads that he does – just the way...

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.

A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the blankets, along with the bodies of the unbelievers.

Sorry, we don’t serve rigid nonthinkers here.” So the brick and the pastor look at the politician, who turns around and leaves.

A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.

Consumerism is so weird. It’s a sort of conspiracy we collude in. You’d think shoppers spending their hard-earned cash would be highly critical. You know that the manufacturers are trying to have you on.

A brick could be used to show you how much I love you. Well, maybe not a whole brick, but certainly a half a brick would be an accurate measure for the amount of love...

Honestly, I’d rather be anywhere else. Even home, where my dad begins almost every conversation with, “You should lose the black clothes and wear something with color.” Puh-lease. Like I want to look like every...

They climbed the wide stairways. Their footsteps echoed and echoed through the house. “What on earth will you be doing with something so large?” said Mum.”I shall live in it with my servants, of course,”...

Somewhere there are gardens where peacocks sing like nightingales, somewhere there are caravans of separated lovers traveling to meet each other; there are ruby fires on distant mountains, and blue comets that come in spring...

Really good books need a chaos element: something weird or inexplicable.

I’m insanely optimistic. For odd, weird reasons, things always work out.

What we’re always looking for is weird social issues and weird connections to make. Luckily for them, there’s no shortage of material.