I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.

Do you drink?””Of course,I just said I was a writer.

it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance

One of the things that strikes me most though is how some people don’t realise they’re self-harming. The phrase ‘self-harm’ brings up thoughts of ‘cutting’, but that’s only a small portion of it. When you...

Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against...

One more drink and I’d have been under the host.

I don’t like ice in my whiskey. I like bullets. Why? Because for every ice cube I don’t use, an Eskimo gets to keep one square inch of his igloo. So I’m saving twice the...

Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy profession, and a large number of its practitioners spend many nights drowning their sorrows in Ouisghian Zodahs.

I like grape juice. Fermented grape juice—wine. It’s the drink of choice for champions. I know because I asked a bunch of winners.

Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three...

I went out and had a drink. I needed to talk to someone, and solitary drinkers are lucky in this regard— they always have someone to talk to.

A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love.

It’s solitary drinking that makes drunkards.

It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

If I show up on your doorstep don’t worry I’m just there to party.

I can’t die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver

Don’t drink too much.””When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I’ll stop.””I’ll have to get a shorter name.””I’ll have to forget how to spell it.

… drink levels all mankind. It is the ultimate democrat