I peeled the skin off a grape in slippery little triangles, and I understood then that I would be undressing every item of food I could because my clothes would be staying on.

Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex.””At least you know he’s still available.

It’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes — that’s why you sometimes need really special shoes!

You’re not discontent for wanting to be in a relationship, you’re just human.

I’m about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass...

Young man, the fact that she did not accept your proposal for a relationship does not define why you should hate her. She may not become your BRIDE, but she can be the BRIDGE you...

She invited me out to dinner, and I declined saying I’m not a fan of big groups. She said it would be just us two, and I said, Like I said, I’m not a fan...

On my first date with Agatha, I wore tight green Spandex, which made my skinny legs look like asparagus. Knowing no heterosexual woman could resist such a temptation, I set out to seduce her.

Me and her, we’re both hiding who we really are. This is a common practice. It’s called dating.

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

Our service is outperforming because we’re coming out of the traditional online dating sandbox.

My mom told me once that Wyatt loved her the way a boy will love his mother, but I loved her the way an artist loves another. Jo taught me what that meant.

I recognized Meg’s swirly handwriting and crooked my index finger into the side of the envelope to rip it open. There was no letter. Just a picture. A picture of Meg holding a picture of...

Do you like my brother?” And there goes Dan’s confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field. “Uh… yes? I mean… I think everyone likes your brother, don’t they?” She leans over and gives...

Maybe love is something we’re meant to say casually and not regard as a prize from a treasure chest that a person earns.

And though nobody has been dumb enough to say anything close to “You need to get laid” to my face, I resent the idea that anyone might think, if they knew my history, that I’d...

I’ve found that when you’re wrapped up in the process of dating and want so badly to have something work out with someone -anyone- it’s easy to forget that your choices aren’t limited to one...

When a man’s bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman’s body — or vagina — has to do the opposite.

Be ashamed not of being single, or, unemployed. That comes standard.

You can never please everybody, don’t even try.

Our public schools should not sponsor groups that are nothing more than taxpayer subsidized dating services.

I’m going to put the moves on her,’ he says gravely. ‘Things might get weird.’ He says it like a commando setting up a midnight raid. Like: Sure, this is going to be extraordinarily dangerous,...

Plus, you might be less of a pain in the arse if you got more action.

You hardly know me and yet you invited me out on a date,’ said Miss Dearheart. ‘Why?’Because you called me a phoney, Moist thought. You saw through me straight away. Because you didn’t nail my...

How about a man?” she retorts.

It is well known that a man, when wooing a lady to be his wife, must first win over the females she most confides in—her friends, of course, and her sister, if she has one.

Dating is probably the most fraught human interaction there is. You’re sizing people up to see if they’re worth your time and attention, and they’re doing the same to you. It’s meritocracy applied to personal...

While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t...

It’s proper netiquette to send a lot of messages to matches on internet dating websites.

Life is about having the courage, or finding it along the way, to become a fuller person so that you can enjoy it more and feel more alive by pursuing interests that might be out...

I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her house, dropped her off, and went home to masturbate.

soul mate” really just the best approximation of ourselves that we can find?

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that date.

Her hands crept around his neck, tangling in his hair to keep him closer, even though she knew that beautiful boys with expiration dates couldn’t be held, only borrowed for a time.

Shaw Centre has restaurants on the fourth floor, where the ACS boy can pull chairs out for her. Girls love this because no one else does it for them, especially not those sotong RI boys.

Most kids grow sullen and angry when they’re working through issues, but Thanet mustered up another kind of bull-headed strength. The kind that sees beyond circumstances to what really matters. How could anyone hurt a...

His room was dark until he switched on his desk lamp. I sat on the floor next to his bed and watched him counting clothes and considering shoes. He seemed so boyish right then—like he...

I came into the room, which was half dark, and presently spotted Lord Kelvin in the audience and realised that I was in for trouble at the last part of my speech dealing with the...

You have a travel vibrator, so I assume you call this one your house vibrator. Store one in your dashboard for a car vibrator too? What about your desk at work? And do they each...

Singles, fornicating is an internship for adultery.

A civilized woman’s demands: A man who will (1) make her come … sometimes; but (2) pay the bills … at all times.

There is a correlation between one’s estimation of the odds of finding a new lover who is, at the least, of the same standard as they one they’re currently in a dead relationship with, and,...

What organized dating sites fail to understand is that the people are far more interesting in what they don’t say about themselves.

If you continue to entertain “boys”, don’t be upset when you can’t find a “man”.

On the porch were the still-smoking remains of long-stemmed roses, evidence that someone angry and passive-aggressive didn’t know Peter was out of town.

I had a date, Mom. He’s marrying the bride.

If you never learned to hold onto someone, how could it possibly hurt now to let them go?

The thought of being completely dependent disturbs people till the moment their eyes are opened to reality.

True respect means accepting someone and honoring his or her thoughts and feelings.