Boxes of toilet paper make the best birthday presents. They really show I give a shit.

I had an unconventional birth. I popped out of a vending machine, precisely like books don’t. But you shouldn’t read too much into it.

The circumstances surrounding your birth are not as important as the opportunity to live life.

Birthday is a glorious day.

Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we’ll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end.

Mirad had asked for peace for his birthday.Imagine, a boy of thirteen who asks for peace as a birthday present.When I heard that I cried.

It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette.

My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it.

Have you been waiting in this line her whole life?

Children are adorable.

Each ten years of a man’s life has its own fortunes, its own hopes, its own desires.

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.

Mondays taste like split-pea soup,Tuesdays taste like gobbledygook,Wednesdays taste like licorice,Thursdays taste like deep-fried fish,Fridays taste like the color red,Saturdays taste like gingerbread,Sundays taste like chicken breast,But birthdays! Birthdays taste the best!Birthdays taste like chocolate...

I think people over the age of 6’2” look great. Just look at me! I was born in less than 19.82 inches.

Even though I believe birthday parties should be given, not taken, I wish someone would take all of mine and hide them on the other side of eternity.

And I roseIn rainy autumnAnd walked abroad in a shower of all my days…

The day of birth is a sacred day.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

There was a star danced, and under that was I born.

I celebrate my birthday in ways not seen this side of the Old Testament. I celebrate my life like the Dead Sea, and my party is a BYOP (bring your own plague) event.

A clone would make a great birthday gift, because it’s the only gift that keeps on giving. At least it’d better give me a birthday present every year. It owes its life to me.

I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.

Celebrate your day of birthday as special day.Make a specific birthday wishes and write it down.You will be amazed about the power of pen and inner strength to accomplish the wishes.This will be a special...

A day of birth is a joyful day.

a happy birthdaythis evening, I sat by an open windowand read till the light was gone and the bookwas no more than a part of the darkness.I could easily have switched on a lamp,but I...

I don’t know any other way I would have rather spent my birthday. These kids are really special.

Birthday is a salty word if you’re not a fan of cake and ice cream.

Playing basketball, I blew out my knee like it was a birthday candle. Sports are so much more fun to play when sitting at a table and opening presents and eating cake.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Every child born into the world has a divine mission to fulfill.As the child grows into adulthood, he or she must act to fulfill the divine mission.

It takes a long time to become young.

I’m lost in the middle of my birthday. I want my friends, their touch, with the earth’s last love. I will take life’s final offering, I will take the last human blessing.

To divide one’s life by years is of course to tumble into a trap set by our own arithmetic. The calendar consents to carry on its dull wall-existence by the arbitrary timetables we have drawn...

I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2 through 32, and I turn 33 in March.

When I was a kid, I was just a boy. But that all changed by my 18th birthday. No longer a kid, I was a full-fledged goat.

Twenty-five, he was. Twenty-five tomorrow. Some years the snow had melted for his birthday, but not this year, and so it had been a long winter full of cows.

Good way to spend a birthday.

Without a doubt, this is the worst birthday he could have from a judicial standpoint. This is by far the most delicate situation he’s gone through.

To me, fair friend, you never can be old. For as you were when first your eye I eyed. Such seems your beauty still.

At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my clones and I let myself go, all 333 versions of myself.

Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that next time you’re tempted to call me a cheap bastard because I didn’t...

Can you ever really say you know anybody—your clone included? Still, if my clone’s birthday were coming up, I’d only shop Buy One Get One Free deals.

The birth of a child is a sacred phenomenon.

Birthday, the celebration of life. Celebrate who you are. Celebrate your uniqueness. Celebrate your achievement. Celebrate all that you are capable of becoming.

At seventy-seven it is time to be earnest.

A birth-date is a reminder to celebrate the life as well as to update the life.

Happy Birthday.

If we could celebrate our birthday on any day of the year, would you choose the one you were born on? I’d be a fool and a liar if I told you I didn’t want...

I need a tube-shaped bathtub, to play the tuba in. I make love like I make music—in a shower that’s in a phone booth that’s in 1981, the year before I was born.

The birth of a child is divine miracle.