The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to.

It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.

He said to people: you’re free. And they said hooray, and then he showed them what freedom costs and they called him a tyrant and, as soon as he’d been betrayed, they milled around a...

And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn’t that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people....

Down there – he said – are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of...

The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around...

Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Victor eyed the glistening tubes in the tray around Dibbler’s neck. They smelled appetizing. They always did. And then you bit into them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for...

Albert grunted. “Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?”Mort thought for a moment.”No,” he said eventually, “what?”There was silence.Then Albert straightened up and said, “Damned if I know. Probably they...

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were… what was the word… deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them…...

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.

You’ll get into dreadful trouble and it won’t be my fault. You are bad people.

Gossiping’s part of witchcraft,’ said Tiffany. ‘They’re checking to see if they’ve gone batty yet.

But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as drunk as a skunk, Drumknott, which of course means skunks are...

The plain old Sam Vimes had fought back. He got rid of most of the plumes and the stupid tights, and ended up with a dress uniform that at least looked as though its owner...

A dwarf who can’t get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique.””Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy..””Guild member?””Not any more, sir.””Oh? How did you leave the guild?””Through the roof,...

I AM ALWAYS ALONE. BUT JUST NOW I WANT TO BE ALONE BY MYSELF.

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

I could use you—if you pass the tests, of course. There are three of them. You have passed the first.””What are the other—” Hrun paused, his lips moved soundlessly and then he hazarded, “two?

Even the pious Scots, locked throughout history in a long-drawn-out battle with their arch-enemies the Scots, managed a few burnings to while away the long winter evenings.

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o’course.

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, “Oh. Sorry. I...

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don’t know what it is....

WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVOURED?

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter’s wheel. That’s how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief resume...

Oh, don’t be absurd, man.’ The Prime Minister sat back in his chair. ‘Come on. We can’t just ban a thing because we can’t control it.’The minister responsible for health and safety looked startled. ‘I...

There are millions of chords. There are millions of numbers. And everyone forgets the one that is a zero. But without the zero, numbers are just arithmetic. Without the empty chord, music is just noise.

Too much alleged ‘fantasy’ is just empty sugar, life with the crusts cut off.

That’s the fashion. Fast as the speed of light, they say. Ha! It’s got no soul, sir, no heart.

There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.

The sun set, which is everyday magic…

The coach passed by many buildings of this sort, which would no doubt be little palaces to the occupants, who had escaped from Cockbill Street and Pigsty Hill and all the other neighbourhoods where people...

But that was just it – hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned.

Cards and boards, [Johnny] thought. And the dead. That’s not dark forces. Making a fuss about cards and heavy metal and going on about Dungeons and Dragons stuff because it’s got demon gods in it...

I know nothing about her. Just some books, and some stories she tried to tell me, and things I didn’t understand, and I remember big red soft hands and that smell. I never knew who...

His parents called him Youngster. They did this in the subconcious hope that he might take the hint. Wensleydale gave the impression of having been born with a mental age of 47.

You can’t go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it’s just a cage.

I’m sure it’s all journalism […] It means it’s true enough for now.

The boldest of the three moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. “We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?” he snarled.Someone sniggered.”I hope you’re not going to kill...

I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fisherman Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish,” said Constable Visit.The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence.”Washpot, are we...

He felt an appetite for once, one that it’d take more than a drink or two to satisfy. He strolled along for breakfast at Harga’s House of Ribs, the habit of years, and got another...

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make...

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn’t going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.

Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting ‘All Gods are bastards.

Luck came to those who left a space for it.

You know me, Esme. I couldn’t subtract a fart from a plate of beans.

The worst part, the worst part, was that Lord de Worde was never wrong. It was not a position he understood in relation to his personal geography. People who took an opposing view were insane,...