There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out...

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there...

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see...

But all them things exist,” said Nanny Ogg. “That’s no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages ’em.

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

The flip side of the coin of which Good and Evil are but one side.

Well, what about you?”

Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch. XXI, v.16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less...

Furnishing was not a priority in the Citadel. Shelves, stools, tables… There was a rumor among the novices that priests towards the top of the hierarchy had golden furniture, but there was no sign of...

Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said Brutha.’This is a point of view often expressed by humans,’ said Om.

He calculated the number of bricks in the wall, first in twos and then in tens and finally in sixteens. The numbers formed up and marched past his brain in terrified obedience. Division and multiplication...

There’s me,” said Tiffany.

We try to make guests feel welcome,” said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes’s amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.”You had papers?” he said....

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he’d do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren’t going to be on him.

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top...

But what’s worth more than gold? Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren’t you worth more than that?

Like sheep which, having been driven to a pasture, can now spread out at their leisure, the clouds began to drift. Afternoon sunlight sliced through into the still waters. The boomerang hung in the sky,...

These are just reflex actions that might easily confuse the layman,” said the doctor airily. Chidder sighed. He suspected that the Guild, who after all had an unrivalled experience of sharp knives and complex organic...

Modesty is only arrogance by stealth.

It’s either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson [the director of The Lord of the Rings films] or is making a point they have never heard of.

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you...

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn’t sure it was worth all the effort.

I DON’T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

No it’s not!” said Constable Visit. “Atheism is a denial of a god.””Therefore It Is A Religious Position,” said Dorfl. “Indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms of Denial. Therefore,...

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone’s fault. If it was us, what did...

When you’re bouncing around from pin to pin, it is probably very difficult to know that outside the game there’s a room and outside the room there’s a town and outside the town there’s a...

Oh. I see. People don’t want to see what can’t possibly exist.

My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it’s simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before.

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things

. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.

Oh, that’s just Thud! That’s easy!” yapped a voice.Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.”I used to play it when I was a kid,” he burbled. It’s...

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

If you took the world away and just left the elctricity, it would look like the most exquisite filigree ever made – a ball of twinkling silver lines with the occasional coruscating spike of a...

…the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe.

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

Mission motto, sir,” said Carrot cheerfully. “Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it.””I imagine he did,” said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. “And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?””Er…” Rincewind...

Wanna see how creepy I can be?”-Mr Teatime

Bein’ a soldier is not hard. If it was, soldiers would not be able to do it.

Lawn looked down at his patient. “In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

I’m not bloody well going to have it, understand?” Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth.”Oook,” the Librarian pointed out, patiently.”What? Oh. Sorry.” Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn’t make an issue out...

Could she press it all the way through to the floor?” And, you know, I’m not sure about that myself. The sole of your boot might give me a bit of trouble, but nothing else...

Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.

Hello, inner child, I’m the inner babysitter!

If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.

Something as artificial and human as an hour wouldn’t last five minutes here. It would be dried out and shrivelled up in seconds.

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting “All the Gods are bastards.”

Do you think it’s possible for an entire nation to be insane?

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR?