I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.

A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.

A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.

I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.

A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They’re so soft and warm, how could they not be used in this manner?

I want to meet a guy named Art. I’d take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

How strange! A dog is more humane than a human is.

A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society.

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door...

A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away.

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

The three of us made love like one of us was a voyeur. I was the only one using binoculars as a sex toy.

Your love, it takes me to the moon. Let’s get back to the film studio and start over. Pour a small cup of coffee while I take one large sip for mankind.

We haven’t spoken in forever, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t love her. That’s what being in love with a mute is all about.

The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law.

I’m not saying I’m not saying. I’m also not saying I’m in love, and I’m not not saying I’m in love.

One encounters in the streets, late at night on the evenings of fetes, the most strange and bizarre passers-by. Do these nights of popular celebration cause ancient and forgotten avatars to stir in the depths...

A blanket could be used to rob a bank. Guns are so Bonnie and Clyde, but a blanket bank robbery has a certain amount of seduction involved. A blanket has a lot more banging involved...

until death do us part” is faster and cheaper than a divorce.

This world has seen the birth of several strange animals.

You should really stay true to your own style. When I first started writing, everybody said to me, ‘Your style just isn’t right because you don’t use the really flowery language that romances have.’ My...

People say to me, ‘Would you like to swap your life with me for 24 hours? Your life must be very strange.’

It is hard to meet a stranger. Even the greatest extravert meeting even the meekest stranger knows a certain dread, though he may not know he knows it. Will he make a fool of me...

The house seemed so different at night. Everything was in its correct place, of course, but somehow the furniture seemed more angular and the pictures on the wall more one-dimensional. She remembered somebody saying that...

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

A brick could be used to make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. A brick is just another obstacle they have to overcome if they are going to achieve their goals.

A blanket could be used to announce your intention to announce your intentions. Make sure the blanket is neon orange though, or you might not get the attention you deserve.

A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to help build their future.

Stop” as you hold out a stiff arm and just stand there. It might feel like you’re waiting your whole life for that train to stop, and quite possibly you will wait your whole life...

A flag could be used as a blanket, but a blanket couldn’t be used as a flag. A blanket provides real warmth, not the pseudo warmth that patriotism provides. A blanket-flag would leave you shivering—not...

A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the amor.

A blanket is a coffin, if the cops are after you and you have to dump a body quick.

very” while yawning.

A brick could be used as a hammer, which frees up the hammer to be used as a sex toy. The only question is, Which end will you insert? If you’re a politician, I’d recommend...

A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work.

A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.

Shit a brick.”

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work...

It is strange how easy it is to remember pain.

I love you,” say nothing. Just grab a brick, cradle it with both hands like a kitten, and hold it out to the other person. Whether you want the other person to leave, or whether...

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

A brick could be used to decorate a house. And not just one brick, thousands could be stacked and affixed together and really make your house not only feel like a home, but less drafty...

Lynch is an ordinary, smalltown guy and he just sees strange things in people.

As a lover I aim to please, and afterwards I aim at the toilet. Sometimes I miss, but no matter what, you’ll always receive splatters of intimacy.

When I make love I use protection. I wear rubber gloves.

Our two hands were held together by love—and adhesive. Let no man separate what God hath joined together! Is it crazy? Yes—Krazy Glue.