A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred.

Stories about mental aberration and oddity only make sense in context. Just how do people live with someone who is peculiar, gifted, strange or alien? It’s odd because there’s a little part of me that...

The bedfellows politics made are never strange. It only seems that way to those who have not watched the courtship.

The great wall of vegetation, an exuberant and entangled mass of trunks, branches, leaves, boughs, festoons, motionless in the moonlight, was like a rioting invasion of soundless life, a rolling wave of plants, piled up,...

Things are pretty strange in this world and people do it many ways and you are just an atom in a galaxy of possibilities and your opinions and your science and ‘What I think’ and...

Why do you have to be so damn cryptic?

Blankets could be used as tents. That would free up tents to be used as portable sex stalls.

A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest customer. Oh, loserest is a word. I know, because I just wrote it.

A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s started to turn green. It’s sad really, when you consider all the sandwiches...

I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit.

A brick could be used as a medallion on the end of a necklace, much like human testicles aren’t used. It’s a shame, really, because when you think of all things dangly, male genitals drop...

A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless the opposing army is armed only with sharp words).

A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at least unless a hurricane gets here, which would mean the government knocked down...

leadership” in Washington DC—on both sides of the political spectrum.

A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

A brick could be used to let that special someone in your life know how much you love them. Instead of tossing out a careless I love you, try tossing a brick at them instead.

A brick could be used in the same manner as a magician’s hat could be used as a basketball. I’m not suggesting a brick replace a basketball, because that’d be silly. But not as silly...

A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.

A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no. Well, forget yes altogether, but use brick for every response except one: What...

Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt...

My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.

A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried...

A blanket could be used to find the Brick of Truth. Many lies will be layered on the Brick of Truth to try to cover it up, but the blanket will cover up all the...

The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me shivering and twitching in the night.

The Sweater Song.” Cats find that song very cleansing.

Yesterday I shat rainbows until my anus started bleeding from a unicorn’s horn. Ah, the joys of being in love.

I think I found the love of my life. Boy, I’m glad I cleaned out my fish tank.

When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

Love is something you must work at. And if you can’t work at it, don’t expect the government to subsidize you. At least not until the Central Bank figures out how to counterfeit emotions.

My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.

As a lake is the reciprocal of an island, so Agatha is the soup to my spoon. She makes me feel like an apple and a doctor, keeping myself away from myself, like the yellow...

A blanket could be used to stop a train. Another good thing to use would be brakes. I’ll sell you a set of train breaks for the price of a warm night’s sleep.

A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Spiritual love is when you see new faces as the oldest.

Because blood is blood, and every family has its own force.Its own flavor.Its own charm and strange.

We have the best rats in town!

Why a slow death in a strange country if you can die on the threshold of your own house?Refugees don’t exist.Only blown away people exist,people blown by the windall over the world.

With these words there came the rending scream of a shattered stirk and an angry troubling of the branches as the poor madman percolated through the sieve of a sharp yew, a wailing black meteor...

We have overcome the notion that mathematical truths have an existence independent and apart from our own minds. It is even strange to us that such a notion could ever have existed.

A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA.

A brick could be slid on a wood floor, like a rolling bowling ball, in an attempt to fill the seconds between swallows of beer.

Brick!”

With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit.

A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.

A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.

Several famous people have licked my nipples. Well, indirectly. First they licked the stamps, and then I peeled them off the letters and stuck them on my nipples.

A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!