Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes “Sorry, we only take cash or credit.” So there’s that.

Men from children nothing differ.

And then there was the much spoken of lock-up. It looked like a giant pepperpot built of stone. A flowering creeper grew up it, and, next to the door and restrained by a chain, there...

A streak of green fire blasted out of the back of the shed, passed a foot over the heads of the mob, and burned a charred rosette in the woodwork over the door.Then came a...

Lawyers, I suppose were once children.

Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.

That’s part of your curse. To drive men mad with desire and feel no pleasure”.”Great,” I muttered. “And all this time I thought I was frigid.

The only way to see everything, my dear, is to see it absolutely.

I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic.

It was because he wanted there to be conspirators. It was much better to imagine men in some smoky room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over the brandy. You had...

You see,” said Colon, “thieves are organized here. I mean, it’s official. They’re allowed a certain amount of thieving. Not that they do much these days, mind you. If you pay them a little premium...

I believe in the 20/80 rule. That’s where working an extra 20% faster, harder, or smarter gets you an extra 80% of the rewards.

She looked around at the close confines of the NCD offices. They were cramped and untidy. No. They were worse than that. They had gone through cramped and untidy, paused briefly at small and shabby...

He felt singularly light-hearted, and the immediate cause was his safety razor. A week ago he had bought the thing in a sudden fit of enterprise, and now he shaved in five minutes, where before...

Optimism was for children. Once you reached adulthood then you had to join the rest of the world as a realist – life was a bag of shit you were expected to pay for.

Tallow turned the corner into Bat and Scarly’s office to be greeted by a large plastic robot on the bench waving its arms and shouting, “Say hello to my l’il frien'” in an electronically processed...

Is that you, Sergeant Angua?” said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad...

When new students tried an experiment that was particularly successful in terms of explosive force, the result was often a cross between a major factory refit and a game of Hunt-the-other-Kidney.

Yeeeees, tell me eeeeeverything.” I was Marked by a very cute boy with terrible impulse control. I don’t remember because I was basically unconscious but everyone was mad at him when I woke up. The...

People think common sense is common – but it’s not.

The circus is the perfect business right now because parents want their kids to be kids and not Charley Bucket drinking cabbage soup all day.

That’s what.

If we go on in this way, we shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as...

Look, sir, I know Angua. She’s not the useless type. She doesn’t stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.

At times like this it’s traditional that a hero comes forth,” said the President of the Guild of Assassins. “A dragon slayer. Where is he, that’s what I want to know? Why aren’t our schools...

She was an alien, really – a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine – and he didn’t understand anything about her species.

Stop fretting and eat your Madeira Cake..

—Elle m’a pas recconue!—C’est parce qu’elle vous a jamais vue.

Universities are renowned for their tolerance of unusual characters, especially if they show originality and dedication to their research. I have often made the comment that not only are universities a ‘cathedral’ for worship of...

Just a minute,” said Lobsang. “Who are you? Time has stopped, the world is given over to…fairy tales and monsters, and there’s a schoolteacher walking around?””Best kind of person to have,” said Susan. “We don’t...

You haven’t heard of him? And he is a D’reg!” Mrs Goriff pulled at her husband’s arm.”D’reg?” said Angua.”A warlike desert tribe,” said Carrot. “Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D’reg is...

Vimes stared. It was true about the dogs. There didn’t seem to be quite so many mooching around these days, and that was a fact. But he’d visited a few dwarf bars with Carrot, and...