Imagine a wall that’s green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We’ll both be...

Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.

Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

A beautiful woman can have almost any man she wants. A rich man can have almost any woman he wants.

A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.

Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.

Just because everyone CAN publish a book these days, doesn’t mean everyone SHOULD. The world doesn’t need 1000 knock-offs of 50 Shades of Grey. I’m not so sure the world even needed ONE 50 Shades...

Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can’t win. If you live, you don’t get the money. If you die, you don’t get to enjoy the money.

Free will? Either you follow the word of God, or you’ll be punished with eternal hellfire. That’s the same kind of “choice” an abuse boyfriend gives you: ‘Either you do exactly what I say, or...

How love works: Proximity leads to intimacy, and intimacy leads to a relationship. In other words, people who are around each other a lot, get close, and end up hooking up. So it’s no great...

It’s better to dance like a fool, than to stand around like an idiot.

I believe, if there is some sort of higher power, the universe is it. Whenever religious people ask me where the universe came from, I tell them that it has always been here, and was...

Our words are often only vague, inadequate descriptions of our thoughts. Something gets lost in translation every time we try to express our thoughts in words. And when the other person hears our words, something...

Although I’m an atheist, I try not to crap all over people’s belief in God. It may be nothing more than a placebo, a fairy tale that gives the hopeless hope, but sometimes a little...

Some guys like to undermine a girl’s self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn’t hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.

Ordinary people are products of their environment and fit in. Artists transcend their environment and stand out.

A cow’s heaven is a flower’s idea of hell.

Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.

Good things you have to make happen. Bad things happen all by themselves.

Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.

The happiest people are not the ones with the best or the most things, but those who most appreciate what they have.

If you want to be a cartoonist, live the life of a cartoonist.