I’m a survivor of life. I try to give the glory to God and appreciate what’s happening to me.

When I was little, we used to have Atari.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

Usually, there’s nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

I started getting on my feet and clowning around, and they ended up putting me in a play when I was 12. And I was hooked.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

Someday I’m going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

We have been helping, trying to help Afghanistan in many ways, even from the beginning of… the beginnings of the ’20s, 1920s, when he we were fighting our own national struggle.

I don’t know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I...

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

Yeah, I don’t mess with chicks younger. They got to be almost thirty.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

Americans accept that gangsters are running the government.

If you’re in the position to help someone and you do it, it’s very rewarding.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I left home because I was hungry.

Renunciation – that is the great fact we all, individuals and classes, have to learn. In trying to avoid it we bring misery to ourselves and others.

I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.

So, if you’re doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It’s really the roles you give yourself.

Rip as we know is vastly experienced and funnier than I think anyone knew. The show really reveals him to be a brilliant comedic actor.

You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.

Federal prison, if you get any of it, you’re going to have to do 85% of it. And the reason why I called it that is because I had a friend who got sent to...

Actually, I didn’t like Dartmouth very much, but the whole theater scene I really liked.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

If you feel like there’s something out there that you’re supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I don’t care about Clinton’s haircuts or his affairs or any of that stuff.

There is absolutely no way that I would enter that world. I would never run for office.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I’ll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I’ve never found an easy way.