Which is, I’m an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

I can remember when I was a baby and my mother was there watching the show. I went and bought 100 episodes and watched them. I respect it so much that the sitcom itself and...

Everybody always asks about Jimmy Fallon. I’m sorry to say that he’s very nice and there’s not much bad to say about him. I don’t know if he sucks at videogames or not. I don’t...

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: A woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

In ’87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.

I don’t think people have been able to deal with the fact that African American filmmakers can make movies about life and relationships.

There’s the theory that nudity doesn’t really make something sexy; the characters and their relationship make it sexy.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of...

They make a humongous profit, but the people that work on the shows don’t get paid a lot because they’re working on the Oscars show. It’s the biggest show in the world.

But if we leave them alone, just satisfying ourselves with social work, economic work and the building up of a national army, it can make progress, hopefully within a short time.

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.

Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.

And then also I think it’s harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Out of 30 years of Second City I was probably the third African-American with the main stage cast. I was surprised when I first heard that. I think part of the reason that improvisation has...

I wouldn’t even get elected. I’d probably deck a couple of people, too which would not play very well with the national media.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

I’m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Well, that our main concern is that Iraq should not become a divided country.

I like going into nature and that’s where I’m happiest.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them.

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that’s such a small part of...

I get mad at people who talk about traumatic job interviews, about going on one and getting rejected. I get rejected all the time and not only do I get rejected, but people have no...

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I think it’s because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that’s real.

I’m six foot four and a half and I have a temper. It’s reserved for very important issues. If someone is asking me to make an artistic concession, then I’ll become a madman.

It’s certainly a lot more difficult to get a project made if you’re talking about something progressive. That’s just the nature of the industry.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

It’s the biggest party in the world, and you have to keep the whole thing percolating, which is difficult because a lot of awards most people don’t care about.

They also have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

He is very dry but also very funny… I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it’s not a good place for you to be.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn’t be able to survive.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’

I don’t know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain’t even never been to a wedding.

I did some acting in high school, I knew I really liked it.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

I don’t view myself as a political leftie. I view myself as a storyteller who is fair to both sides.

Toy Soldiers was my introduction to film. I certainly didn’t think I was doing art by any stretch of the imagination.

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh.

But thanks to the efforts, the initiative of the United States and of the several countries from the world, from Europe, including Turkey, it ended within a few weeks.

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how...

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.