Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.

I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU. She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on....

Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made...

At last the magic caught, and she managed to vault clumsily onto it before it trundled into the night sky as gracefully as a duck with one wing missing.

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget...

You can’t trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so let’s have a drink

Some things are fairly obvious when it’s a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.

Was that what it was really like to be alive? The feeling of darkness dragging you forward?How could they live with it? And yet they did, and even seemed to find enjoyment in it, when...

I read anything that’s going to be interesting. But you don’t know what it is until you’ve read it. Somewhere in a book on the history of false teeth there’ll be the making of a...

Other people say: hold on, if he’s carrying the entire universe in a sack, right, that means he’s carrying himself and the sack inside the sack, because the universe contains everything. Including him. And the...

Now … if you trust in yourself … and believe in your dreams … and follow your star … you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and...

And I’m made up of everyone I’ve ever met who’s changed the way I think. So who is “me”?

It’s rude to stare,” said the troll. Its mouth opened with a little crest of foam, and shut again in exactly the same way that water closes over a stone. “Is it? Why?” asked Rincewind....

Making money is good, but there’s no pockets in a shroud.

WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN’T SAVED HIM?”Yes! The sun would have risen just the same, yes?”NO”Oh, come on. You can’t expect me to believe that. It’s an astronomical fact.”THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE...

That’s Third Thoughts for you. When a huge rock is going to land on your head, they’re the thoughts that think: Is that an igneous rock, such as granite, or is it sandstone?

Hell wasn’t a major reservoir of evil, any more then Heaven, in Crowley’s opinion, was a fountain of goodness; they were just sides in the great cosmic chess game. Where you found the real McCoy,...

Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it were created at all and didn’t just start, as it were, unofficially, it came to being between ten and twenty thousand million years...

Everybody has somebody. It could be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a writing partner, or even That One Person You See At The Coffee Shop each day. Sometimes they exist to comfort you. Sometimes...

Silverfish looked down.”Oh. Are you a dwarf?”Cuddy gave him a blank stare.”Are you a giant?” He said.”Me? Of course not!””Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes.

Well, child? Aren’t you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?I don’t think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!

… you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong.

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.

I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic.

It was because he wanted there to be conspirators. It was much better to imagine men in some smoky room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over the brandy. You had...

You see,” said Colon, “thieves are organized here. I mean, it’s official. They’re allowed a certain amount of thieving. Not that they do much these days, mind you. If you pay them a little premium...

William groaned. It was Vimes. Worse, he was smiling, in a humourless predatory way.”Ah, Mr de Worde,” he said, stepping inside. “There are several thousand dogs stampeding through the city at the moment. This is...

It was raining in the small, mountainous country of Llamedos. It was always raining in Llamedos. Rain was the country’s main export. It had rain mines.

Ye know full well that the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.

If they look as though they’re worried, we’ll move in.”And do what exactly?’ said Polly.’Threaten to shoot them,’ said Maladict firmly.’And if they don’t believe us?”Then we’ll threaten to shoot them in a much louder...

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong.

No! Please! I’ll tell you whatever you want to know!” the man yelled. “Really?” said Vimes. “What’s the orbital velocity of the moon?””What?””Oh, you’d like something simpler?

Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about,” said the voice of Maurice. “They’re so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.

Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been fate. People are always a little confused about this, as they are in the case of miracles. When someone is saved from certain death by a...

It wasn’t that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of...

The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite...

You’re just as dead if you fall from forty feet as you are from four thousand fathoms, that’s what I say.

Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it...

I don’t see what’s so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin’ upset cos’ they act like people”, said Adam severely. “Anyway, if you stopped tellin’ people it’s all sorted out after they’re...

I REMEMBER WHEN ALL THIS WILL BE AGAIN.

The first question they ask is: “Why was he eternally surprised?”And they were told: “Wen considered the nature of time and understood the universe is, instant by instant, re-created anew. Therefore, he understood, there is,...

After all, if you can’t trust governments, whom can you trust?

Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!

These were dangerous thoughts, he knew. They were the kind that crept up on a Watchman when the chase was over and it was just you and him, facing one another in that breathless little...

Being an absolute ruler today was not as simple as people thought. At least, it was not simple if your ambitions included being an absolute ruler tomorrow. There were subtleties. Oh, you could order men...

Yes! I’m me! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don’t understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books...

The boldest of the three (thieves) moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. “We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?” he snarled. Someone sniggered. “I hope you’re not...

There was a hell for blasphemers. There was a hell for disputers of rightful authority. There were a number of hells for liars. There was probably a hell for little boys who wished their grandmothers...

Now look,” snapped the Dean, “we’ve searched everywhere for a decent library on this island. There simply isn’t one! It’s ridiculous. How is anyone supposed to get anything done?