Two uniformed trolls were standing in front of Sergeant Colon’s high desk, with a slightly smaller troll between them. This troll was wearing a slightly downcast expression. It was also wearing a tutu and had...

Angua picked out the bottle and looked at the label.”C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s Genuine Authentic Soggy Mountain Dew,” she read. “He’s going to die! It says, ‘One hundred and fifty per cent proof’!””Nah, that’s just old Dibbler’s...

But we’re a university! We have to have a library!” said Ridcully. “It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the library?””Students,” said Senior Wrangler morosely.

What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the...

‘The gods,’ he said. ‘Imprisoned in a thought. And perhaps they were never more than a dream.’

AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaaBLOON!” which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the string. The whole point...

Sooner or later we’re all someone’s dog.

They avoided one another’s faces, for fear of what they might see mirrored there. Each man thought: one of the others is bound to say something soon, some protest, and then I’ll murmur agreement, not...

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.

I get it,’ said the prisoner. ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?’If you like.’ said Vimes. ‘But we’re a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in...

But is all this true?” said Brutha.Didactylos shrugged. “Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.””You mean you don’t KNOW...

DO NOT PUT ALL YOUR TRUST IN ROOT VEGETABLES. WHAT THINGS SEEM TO BE MAY NOT BE WHAT THEY ARE.-Death

If you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going. And if you don’t...

At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but...

We all think we understand each other,’ Kin heard Silver say. ‘We eat together, we trade, many of us pride ourselves on having alien friends – but all this is only possible, only possible, Kin,...

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out...

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there...

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see...

But all them things exist,” said Nanny Ogg. “That’s no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages ’em.

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

The flip side of the coin of which Good and Evil are but one side.

Well, what about you?”

Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch. XXI, v.16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less...

Furnishing was not a priority in the Citadel. Shelves, stools, tables… There was a rumor among the novices that priests towards the top of the hierarchy had golden furniture, but there was no sign of...

Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said Brutha.’This is a point of view often expressed by humans,’ said Om.

He calculated the number of bricks in the wall, first in twos and then in tens and finally in sixteens. The numbers formed up and marched past his brain in terrified obedience. Division and multiplication...

There’s me,” said Tiffany.

We try to make guests feel welcome,” said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes’s amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.”You had papers?” he said....

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he’d do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren’t going to be on him.

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top...

But what’s worth more than gold? Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren’t you worth more than that?

Like sheep which, having been driven to a pasture, can now spread out at their leisure, the clouds began to drift. Afternoon sunlight sliced through into the still waters. The boomerang hung in the sky,...

These are just reflex actions that might easily confuse the layman,” said the doctor airily. Chidder sighed. He suspected that the Guild, who after all had an unrivalled experience of sharp knives and complex organic...

Modesty is only arrogance by stealth.

It’s either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson [the director of The Lord of the Rings films] or is making a point they have never heard of.

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you...

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn’t sure it was worth all the effort.

I DON’T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

No it’s not!” said Constable Visit. “Atheism is a denial of a god.””Therefore It Is A Religious Position,” said Dorfl. “Indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms of Denial. Therefore,...

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone’s fault. If it was us, what did...

When you’re bouncing around from pin to pin, it is probably very difficult to know that outside the game there’s a room and outside the room there’s a town and outside the town there’s a...

Oh. I see. People don’t want to see what can’t possibly exist.

My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it’s simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before.

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things

. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.

Oh, that’s just Thud! That’s easy!” yapped a voice.Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.”I used to play it when I was a kid,” he burbled. It’s...

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

If you took the world away and just left the elctricity, it would look like the most exquisite filigree ever made – a ball of twinkling silver lines with the occasional coruscating spike of a...

…the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe.