There was this wonderful trick of going to the theater with my parents and sitting in the audience under the watchful eye of an usher, and then these other people would come on the stage:...

Magnus had animated one of his magnificent Chinese fans, and it flapped ineffectively at him, barely stirring the breeze. It was, if he was completely honest with himself (and he did not want to be),...

I don’t like like like I love love, but I’ll bet we have that in common. You have so much love to give that I’m surprised I haven’t received any of it.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Like most writers, I find the Web is a wonderful distraction. Who doesn’t need that last minute research before writing?

Don’t keep me in the dark—let me take off my honorary Helen Keller blindfold and let’s make love like we have no senses except nonsense.

My love is shaped like a dog whistle—the sound, not the thing. As a lover, I’m a fighter. But dogs have more bark than me—and so do trees.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

I called her Nebraska, because she was from Iowa. We made love like the Midwest. Well, not all of it. More like the Midwest minus Kansas, if you know what I mean.

I believe that my parents did wonderful things for us.

The language of all the interpretations, the translations, of the Judaic Bible and the Christian Bible, is musical, just wonderful. I read the Bible to myself; I’ll take any translation, any edition, and read it...

I think especially in a world where you have so little say about what goes on in your life, or in the politics of the world around you, it is wonderful to go into that...

That’s what makes the Ryder Cup in golf so much better than the Masters or the U.S. Open. To be a part of something that is not about personal achievement, but about representing everyone and...

Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Everything is just better in California – the wine, the food, fruits and vegetables, the comforts of living. Even the instrumentalists are generous and curious. Everything is wonderful.

What’s different about the Gospel of Thomas is that, instead of focusing entirely on who Jesus is and the wonderful works of Jesus, it focuses on how you and I can find the kingdom of...

Motorcycle helmets are bottomless. Strippers are topless. And my love is middleless.

If I can scoop soup at 20 MPH while riding a three-legged horse, just imagine how great of a lover I am when I’m lying perfectly still.

I loved her bravely, like a fighter turned sprinter. I loved her so fiercely that I never even dared speak of my feelings. And because I displayed as much passion as a statue, our relationship...

My love for her is deep, like the ocean, only not so salty. My love for her probably only has as much salt as a bag of potato chips, though it’s much, much more addicting...

We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

It’s lovely to be told you’re wonderful by someone when you’re used to being told how awful you are.

I think it’s one of my favourite theatres ever, so quirky and wonderful and steeped in history. The space is wonderful and the acoustics are brilliant.

I still love the book-ness of books, the smell of books: I am a book fetishist—books to me are the coolest and sexiest and most wonderful things there are.

We weren’t wealthy but we definitely weren’t poor. We were incredibly rich because there was a wonderful community in Shepherd’s Bush, where I grew up. All my friends were into villainy and crime.

It hurts to remember you. But it scares me to try and forget. I remember you telling me that my love for you shouldn’t hurt, that it should be something wonderful. And it is. It...

I had the most incredible time on ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ It never occurred to me when I took it on that I would physically not be able to do it because that’s not in...

I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself.

I am Kid Awesome, I kid you not. But I don’t think making love is childish—or for children, unless you’re doing it for children (to produce them, not to entertain them).

I wore a hat, to compensate for the fact that my pants were unzipped. When we made love, she asked if I brought a condom, so I showed her my tube socks. I brought two,...

For the sake of my loved ones, I don’t drink sake.

We made love sweet and gentle, like strawberry jelly. Peanut butter makes me horny.

If life has taught me anything, it’s that no matter what you should do, you should love. Even if you’re in the process of murdering someone, possibly a politician, your heart should be filled with...

Vanessa Sky Ellis scours the streets of NYC looking for celebrities to take selfies with, while I scrounge up quarters to try to buy love out of vending machines. I have had sex with more...

July 2. A beautiful day for Labrador. Went ashore and killed nothing, but was pleased with what I saw. The country is so grandly wild and desolate that I am charmed by its wonderful dreariness.

Your great country is wonderful at stealing pieces of history and using it for its own purposes, so there didn’t seem to be anything particularly unusual about it but the English were incredibly exercised about...

One is, that they will feel about you that you’re going to make something wonderful for them. And they help you by expressing themselves. Not telling you how to do it, but encouraging you and...

I love Kate Winslet, Rachel Weisz, Maggie Smith and Judi Dench as well. They’re all wonderful and they’re very inspiring.

I would like to serve as mayor of this wonderful city. I think it’s far too early to begin talking seriously about a candidacy for mayor in 2009. But it’s something I would like to...

You can take wonderfully talented actors, wonderfully talented writers and producers, and, uh, do a wonderful show!… but if it doesn’t hit with the public in two minutes, it’s bye-bye.

I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love.

The Sweater Song.” Cats find that song very cleansing.

My nose, it’s like a doorstop for fists. Violence is just my fellow man’s way of showing love to me.

The ice cube melted slowly like a candle, and I thought about my love for her and how it was like an ice cube candle and that I’ve always wanted to drink fire and make...

Don’t waste your most important resource—your life.

I just yawned. Now that is exciting. Almost as thrilling as making love to me thirty minutes after I’ve fallen asleep.

Spreadable butter is wonderful for cake-making: it’s much easier to cream than the block type and slightly lighter because it’s blended with oil.

Penitentiary songs have been a love of mine for years. They are so wonderful.