I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered that I had a popcorn ceiling. It’s this kind of reasoning that leads me to think I might make a great politician. Vote...

I had a dream about you. My brain was plugged directly into the internet, and people in Russia were streaming my dreams. Edward Snowden was there, and he was eating popcorn that I’d mailed him.

I had a dream I bought a popcorn maker that would pop pennies into cornuts, so I bought stock in corn wow was I nuts. That’s what my therapist said. He is just plain nuts...

My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains. I make love like microwave popcorn—only in half the time!

Covalent Bonds

Come in early, so there’ll be time to pop corn,’ Mrs. Ray said. If she mentioned popping corn, they always came in early. So she usually mentioned it.

Don’t you go to the movies?””Mostly just to eat popcorn in the dark.

Have you ever pondered the miracle of popcorn? It starts out as a tiny, little, compact kernel with magic trapped inside that when agitated, bursts to create something marvelously desirable. It’s sort of like those...

T” truth that the wise spend their lives attempting to grasp.

Americans love popcorn, and their love doesn’t quit.

Popcorn! Our fatal weakness!

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you’re human popcorn

I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If you want to watch, I just made popcorn.

I had a dream about you. You left your popcorn in my microwave, so I decided to enact revenge by selling the essence of your stinky fridge as a fragrance marketed toward the same people...