I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.

Joe is 3/4ths of a joke. 75% of politicians are jokes too, only the punchlines are the voters, and that kind of humor I just don’t find funny.

Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.

Politicians are the sole cause of our incurable social eczema

I made up three lists: Candidate’s Accomplishments (real and imaginary), Accusations Against Opponent (including rumours, allegations, innuendos, and lies), and Empty Promises (the more improbable, the better). Then it was merely a matter of taking...

The only politician ever to have entered parliament with honourable intentions, was Guy Fawkes.

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.

It used to be there were some fights we couldn’t even get into because there wasn’t enough time to set up a snail-mail campaign. In today’s world, the politicians can’t hide behind time any more....

Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress.

How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a small dent, it makes me want to cry out to God in despair.

If everyone in America started mailing empty boxes, we could boost productivity, profitability, and employment. Think like a politician.

He’s a revered politician in that state and very responsible,

Why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever...

A politician, a man engaged in party contests, must be an opportunist. Let us give up saying that word as if it contained a slur. If you want to win in party action, I take...

Unsurprisingly, politicians spout sound bites about their unwillingness to remove ‘consumer protections’ from the equation, but they have it all wrong, … The only real way to ‘protect’ consumers is to keep them alive. We...

I wish I knew how to quit you, political jokers and pathological liars…

It has been calculated by the ablest politicians that no State, without becoming soon exhausted, can maintain above the hundredth part of its members in arms and idleness.

A dirty diaper doesn’t double as a dishrag, and a politician doesn’t double as a savior.

I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.

There are so few people left alive from back then, you may as well be talking to them about the Black Death. Nobody recalls the shite in the 30s and that were fucking horrible. For...

he was one of those diplomats who like and know how to work, and, despite his laziness, he occasionally spent nights at his desk.

This system is run by multiple bureaucratic agencies with multiple levels run by multiple politicians, all patch-worked together.

This guy ran as someone who was a different and fair politician, and he stabbed us in the back.

There are no emergency meetings, no headlines, no breaking news. No one is acting as if we were in a crisis. Even most climate scientists or green politicians keep on flying around the world, eating...

But then, he thought, most politicians are small and shabby, the sort of people who have been bullied at school.That’s why they become politicians.

Every politician brings in a wide range of context, promises and characters to bring his mission of you to listen to his words and vote for him and later he won’t listen to you at...

People don’t have the imagination to understand politicians. People are too innocent

I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.

Love is like 9.75 plus .25. That’s 10, for all of you people trying to add fractions on your fingers. I can only count using eight, because I’m too busy using my middle fingers to...

Character assassination of a politician is a victimless crime

Outside the box” is an overused cliche which goes nowhere near far enough. In fact, there are so many politicians and salesmen thinking outside the box these days that I am convinced that all of...

There must be a lot of duplication in our country’s laws,” said Dukhi. “Every time there are elections, they talk of passing the same ones passed twenty years ago. Someone should remind them they need...

It is through vision that innovation is conceived;through will power it is then materialized.