I’d like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

I just can’t fathom why anyone would stand on a ledge when there’s a respectable amount of walking space right next to it.

I’m friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I’m 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

Instead of hopping around like a wild in’jun on fire, try counting from 10 backwards while hopping on one foot”.

When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners.

I haven’t devoured a soul in…What month is this? March?

if wishes were horses beggers will ride

Here you go, dear.”” The corners of Mrs. Colbert’s mouth curled up. “You like meat, don’t you?”Emily blinked. Was it her, or did that statement seem…loaded? She checked Issac for his reaction, but he was...

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

I’ll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.

For a moment the rank felt as though they had just returned from single-handedly conquering a distant province. They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it...

Nobody is a loser: Either he is a winner or a learner.

There’s a name for people with an interest in the moon,” Alex said. “They’re called lunatics.

Wilmer is wired into our audience. His humor, style and approachable personality make this a great fit for MTV.

Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear

I am a trembling mess from hip to knee. There is a terrible heat, a looseness in my innards that makes me want to dig my fists between my thighs. It is a confusing feeling...

I suspect he’s sweet on Sophie and doesn’t like to see her work too hard.’Tessa was glad to hear it. She’d felt awful about her reaction to Sophie’s scar, and the thought that Sophie had...

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up.

…and it’s ridiculous that anyone would praise a child for standing with arms spread out on a wooden cross, as if she were Jesus’s dead sister wearing a checkerboard tablecloth.

[…] dropped his master’s head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up, gazed upon the bystanders, as if he had done something rather clever than...

The eccentric passion of Shankly was underlined for me by my England team-mate Roger Hunt’s version of the classic tale of the Liverpool manager’s pre-game talk before playing Manchester United. The story has probably been...

If that’s the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake,” Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, “I’m all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

There were two books I remember changing my life as a introverted, bookish 14 year old. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. One was set in a...

Eternity is two people and a ham”) is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge—far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The...

The early worm catches the fishies and all, you know.