If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves...

Sorry, we don’t serve rigid nonthinkers here.” So the brick and the pastor look at the politician, who turns around and leaves.

A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.

Quiet night. Silence at full capacity. Noiselessness is spilling over like a coffee cup full of jock cock. In a contact sport I’ve got to protect my genitals.

A blanket could be used to offset things likely to set you off. When you start to get hot, just wrap yourself in a warm blanket until you’re comforted and you cool down.

A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the country up again after everything is destroyed.

There is no end to the things you don’t understand. The mind will search for a lie to give it an answer you can understand, but one song at the right time will challenge what...

A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.

A blanket of self-regulated trust on a bed of deceit.

Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).

A blanket could be used like a giant piece of paper. Most people just want to cum on it, but occasionally someone will want to splash ink on it and try to impregnate the minds...

If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders,...

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never...

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.

A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used like a Wexlybexter Device (the one with the hand crank, not the one...

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their...

Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.

Wow! This was one advanced society.”

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.

A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.

A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet.

A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this economic depression, so anything to help warm things up would be most welcomed.

This is Lilly Heaven saying good night, and to all a very good night. Good night everybody. Here’s wishing you pleasant dreams. Sleep tight. From all of us to all of you, a warm good...

A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.

A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.

A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.

A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, because I brought a crayon.

A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.

A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket...

A brick could be a breath freshener for a dragon. But so could a mint-flavored baby.

A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.

A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half, whichever makes me appear the most generous.

A blanket could be used to find the Brick of Truth. Many lies will be layered on the Brick of Truth to try to cover it up, but the blanket will cover up all the...

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today!

A brick could be used to show you how much I love you. Well, maybe not a whole brick, but certainly a half a brick would be an accurate measure for the amount of love...

A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?

We are *all* we are, and all in a sense we care to dream we are. And for that matter, anything outlandish, bizarre, is a godsend in this rather stodgy life. It is after all...