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Jasper Fforde  Quotes
Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.

—Jasper Fforde

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HumorLanguage
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Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners …

—Jasper Fforde

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FunnyInsightful
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the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.

—Jasper Fforde

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BooksHumorLife
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The best reason for committing loathsome and detestable acts–and let’s face it, I am considered something of an expert in this field–is purely for their own sake. Monetary gain is all very well, but it...

—Jasper Fforde

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AvariceDetestableDilutes
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Funding for the Special Operations Network comes directly from the government. Most work is centralized, but all of the SpecOps divisions have local representatives to keep a watchful eye on any provincial problems. They are...

—Jasper Fforde

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ArroganceBloody-MindednessConfused
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Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn’t collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.

—Jasper Fforde

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Door-KnobsHumorMadness
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After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell...

—Jasper Fforde

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Reading
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Soothsayers are like that. They see many futures but never their own.

—Jasper Fforde

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FuturePre-CogProphet
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All of everything came into existence simply because it wanted to be. The big bang wasn’t so much a big bang as a hasty dash toward an opportunity to trade nothingness for somethingness. The main...

—Jasper Fforde

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Cause-And-EffectCreationEverything
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Curiosity is a descending stair…that leads to only who-knows-where.

—Jasper Fforde

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Curiosity
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Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

—Jasper Fforde

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HumorInsultsPut-Downs
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You like economics, don’t you?’ I asked. ‘Everyone should know the basics,’ said the Princess. ‘Lasting peace will only be brought about through economic means – we should be trading with the Trolls rather than...

—Jasper Fforde

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Peace
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That’s the thing about destiny: It can’t be predicted, and it’s usually pretty odd.

—Jasper Fforde

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Destiny
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Love is a wonderful thing, my dear, but it leaves you wide open for blackmail.

—Jasper Fforde

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BlackmailLoveWonderful
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Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can’t be...

—Jasper Fforde

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BaconHot-BathsHumour
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There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft without propellers. What is wrong with airships anyway? They have borne mankind aloft for over a hundred...

—Jasper Fforde

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Accident-FreeAircraftAirships
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Try to be pleasant to one another, get plenty of fresh air, read a good book now and then, depose your government when it suspends the free press, try to use the mechanism of the...

—Jasper Fforde

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DiplomacyFree-PressGovernment
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Cash is always the deciding factor in such matters of moral politics; nothing ever gets done unless motivated by commerce or greed.

—Jasper Fforde

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Capitalism
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Take no heed of her…. She reads a lot of books.

—Jasper Fforde

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BooksReading
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There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth’s future. The other view is...

—Jasper Fforde

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FuturePresentRigid
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Said by Colin the dragon:”It’s somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you’re all all tiresomely similiar in...

—Jasper Fforde

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Human-RelationshipsHumansHumor
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You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.’ She pointed to the shelf opposite. ‘Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a...

—Jasper Fforde

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BooksCatch-22Fishing
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I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!

—Jasper Fforde

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First-PersonHumorPov
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You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have,” I said through my sobs. “I’m so sorry if I’m a burden.”They all told me not to be so bloody silly, I told...

—Jasper Fforde

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Family
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The best plans are always the simplest.

—Jasper Fforde

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PlansSimplicityThoughts
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There is no problem on earth that can’t be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

—Jasper Fforde

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BathCureTea
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Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.

—Jasper Fforde

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DeathHumor
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The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp, which cast shadows so hard it seemed you might cut yourself on them.

—Jasper Fforde

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DescriptionPicturesPoetry
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Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company,...

—Jasper Fforde

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GoblinsVampires
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Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed — you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

—Jasper Fforde

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CompetentFunnyJealousy
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Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could look to a brighter future of long-term thought–and more reading.

—Jasper Fforde

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EggsReadingThursday-Next
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Though his death would not fill me with any sense of sadness, I would probably feel the loss. Even enemies are part of one.

—Jasper Fforde

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DeathEnemiesEnemy
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The course of true love rarely runs smooth.

—Jasper Fforde

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True-Love
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Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.

—Jasper Fforde

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HumorSci-FiThursday-Next
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Mr. McGregor’s a nasty piece of work, isn’t he? Quite the Darth Vader of children’s literature.

—Jasper Fforde

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HumorPeter-Rabbit
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So you’re going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?

—Jasper Fforde

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ConfusionDialogueFiction
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True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good–and we all know how rare that is…

—Jasper Fforde

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EvilGood
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A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.

—Jasper Fforde

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DeceitInformationUntruth
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And we kissed again. It was a warm, indescribably lovely feeling. But it was more than just physical. It was a dialogue between two young people with high ideals and a Big Plan. It was...

—Jasper Fforde

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BelongingCommitmentFuture
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For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.

—Jasper Fforde

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AbstractCollectCollections
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How fishy on the fishiness scale? Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark.””A whale isn’t a fish, Thursday.””A whale shark is–sort of.””All right, it’s as fishy as a crayfish.””A crayfish isn’t a...

—Jasper Fforde

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Absurd
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Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.

—Jasper Fforde

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Mankind
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What you see is what I am. I’ve not had my boobs done or my arse lifted, no nips, no tucks. No ribs removed, nothing. Those little strumpets we see on the silver screen today...

—Jasper Fforde

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BeautyBig-Over-EasyLala-Vavoom
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Love and magic are like oil and water–they just don’t mix.

—Jasper Fforde

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LoveMagic
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I got mixed up with some oddness in my youth, and the long and short of it is that I can’t shuffle off this mortal coil until I have read the ten most boring classics.

—Jasper Fforde

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Boring-BooksFunnyIrony
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You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.

—Jasper Fforde

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Values
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Death doesn’t care about personalities – he’s more interested in meeting quotas.

—Jasper Fforde

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DeathHumor
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I’m sure it’s not all hot buttered crumpets out there in the breathing world of asphalt and heartbeats.

—Jasper Fforde

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Reality
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7. 3. 12. 31. 208: Reckless disrespect of the lightless hours will not be tolerated.

—Jasper Fforde

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AbsenceDarkDisrespect
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Our own dimension was coded ID-11 and was the only League member with diphtheria, David Hasselhoff and the French, which amused the rest of the multiverse no end.

—Jasper Fforde

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FfordeFrenchHumor
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