A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as soon as they’re cold and lifeless, because you don’t want the bodies staying...

Salsa music is best when chewing on nachos. I’m a spicy lover. Taste me and see.

A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.

I wore a hat, to compensate for the fact that my pants were unzipped. When we made love, she asked if I brought a condom, so I showed her my tube socks. I brought two,...

eccentric.” Let this be a lesson in love.

Ah, you shouldn’t have!” I love a box full of emptiness.

From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.

I saw a white toilet, with no plumbing, alone in a field of snow. Well, almost alone. There were two naked albinos and a polar bear sitting on it, and I felt inspired to write...

A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.

A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.

Don’t you wish we all lived in black light…. for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

I think the most important thing journalism taught me is to mine for details. The details are key. You can’t try to be funny or strange or poignant; you have to let the details be...

Strange words are better than strange Behavior

Ralon didn’t make anyone else put his tack away?” Alex wanted to know. “You didn’t see anything strange?” Alanna didn’t look up. “No.” It wasn’t strange , she excused her lie mentally. Ralon does things...

… We’re werewolves. We don’t get to judge ‘crazy.

A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.

A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I was too blind to hear. I’m hungry for a bowl full of mute, but my favorite restaurant is out of the Helen...

A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you know?

A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad dreams? I’ll bet your mom gave them to Good Will.

A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together.

A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.

A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option.

A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream on the turbulent river of my subconscious. Some of my thoughts can be quite windy, gusts with gusto, like a...

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22

A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.

I use blankets like armor for cold.

A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m going to need you to disrobe and step down here. Don’t worry, I’m...

A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.

I am not what you see and hear.

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.

I mop my floor with a wet cloud. My love tissues are full of eye rain. Dinner will be served at breakfast.

A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If ingested, please contact a physician first, and then the manager of a circus.)

A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when...

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.

The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.

My nose, it’s like a doorstop for fists. Violence is just my fellow man’s way of showing love to me.

My love is shaped like a dog whistle—the sound, not the thing. As a lover, I’m a fighter. But dogs have more bark than me—and so do trees.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

I think it’s so strange that certain people think they know you because you’ve been in a film. It’s very flattering, but it’s also very scary.

A brick could be used to show support for your favorite team. They want to crush their opponents, and if you’ve got the arm strength and accuracy, you should do everything in your power to...

A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my ancestors.

Memory has strange power keeps full data of the past.

Irma, a few feet behind the other two, saw them suddenly halt, swaying a little, with heads bent and hands pressed to their breasts as if to steady themselves against a gale.

It was strange what Chris was feeling within, but he didn’t mind for he was loving her.

Nothing Is Strange

The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is...