Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruction instead of soda, would you grab an extra large cup?

We made love like two sand dollars in a vending machine. She said she wanted marriage and kids, and I said all I wanted was a soda.

If you ask me for a book to read, I’ll hand you a soda can. Start there.

I’ll sit on a soda and drink a sofa. It’s just healthier. You should see how I make love. Show starts at 8:00. Tickets are ten bucks at the window.

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today!

A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work.

A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love.

He was chugging brown pop from a can Jack had handed him while he stuffed nacho cheese Doritos in his face. I was glad to see he looked lots better, almost completely like himself, which...

I picked up a hitchhiker. Later on I picked up some common sense and soda. The soda was all-natural, like the hooker from earlier.