There are many professions that require individuals, on an ongoing basis, to pass drug tests, physicals and psychological evaluations in order to keep their jobs. Maybe it’s time to start holding the people that are...

The Los Angeles parade would begin in Griffith Park, where a large crowd would assemble and the speeches would be given. Every politician of consequence would be there. There was no way they would miss...

Little towns tend to do a very bad job in these things. They tend to be driven by politics rather than what their own planning staffs may recommend. Another thing: They sometimes just copy what...

Experience teaches effectually, but brutally. It makes us acquainted with all the effects of an action, by causing us to feel them; and we cannot fail to finish by knowing that fire burns, if we...

Good politicians need not be intellectuals, but they should have intellectual lives.

I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician to wear while serving the sheeple up.

Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) doesn’t mean I play cowboy with politics. I’m going to vote for Philo T. Farnsworth for president, and so should...

A liberal knows that the only certainty in this life is change but believes that the change can be directed toward a constructive end.

Tutti gli animali sono uguali, ma alcuni sono più uguali degli altri

You don’t stockpile guns because ‘you never know’. You stockpile guns because you do know. And while you may be wrong, your shitload of guns says you no longer welcome debate on the subject.

America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists.

Boy, when Grandma Wrinklebottom comes to town, you’d better hide your underwear. I know I’ll be hiding my political perspectives.

Arlington National cemetery is huge! But that’s not surprising, because DC is the world’s largest graveyard of good ideas and intentions. Politicians are natural hunters. If there is a good and productive thing, they will...

She’s beautiful, but she’s also got brains. I’ll bet zombies would love to eat out of her skull like a bowl of Jell-O that had an IQ of 180—which is absurd, because the last bowl...

Would you mind terribly if instead of serving desert, I masturbated quietly at the dinner table? I’m training for Congress.

I had a dream about you. You wanted to go for a walk, and I wanted to start a parade. I suggested we team up, but you said you’d rather have sex with a cactus....

I wrote a book on sex. It’s got a hole in it so you can literally fornicate with it. I’ve only sold one copy, but I’ve heard that the buyer shared the book with all...

Have an itch? Simple—rub poison ivy over the rest of your body, so that all the skin contributes its fair share to a unified, and more hopeful, future. That’s top-level political thinking right there.

One woman is smirking, and another is averting her eyes with disinterest. It’s just like what happens when I bring up politics with strangers.

I’d like to vote for the candidate similar to the one the Right absurdly claims Obama is.

When women understand that governments and religions are human inventions; that Bibles, prayer-books, catechisms, and encyclical letters are all emanations from the brains of man, they will no longer be oppressed by the injunctions that...

I do not deny, but strongly affirm, the right of the State to interfere to cure a great evil. I say that in this case it would interfere to create a great evil; and I...

In the future system, you will decide how your bodies look and feel, but only til then will you have the choice.

In politics as in philosophy, my tenets are few and simple. The leading one of which, and indeed that which embraces most others, is to be honest and just ourselves and to exact it from...

In 1980 candidate Reagan asked whether we were better off than we had been 4 years earlier. In 1992 we will be asked whether we expect our children to live better than we do.

General Motors, General Mills, General Foods, general ignorance, general apathy, and general cussedness elect presidents and Congressmen and maintain them in power.

A ver si te enteras de una vez, hijo: no hay una España. Hay dos. Y hasta que una de las dos Españas no acabe con la otra, la cosa seguirá igual.

My illness helped me to see that what was missing in society is what was missing in me: a little heart, a lot of brotherhood. The ’80s were about acquiring — acquiring wealth, power, prestige....

I did not worry about what a man or woman personally believed, but the nation’s official religion should be outwardly practiced by all its citizens. A religion was a political statement. Being a Calvinist, a...

Many of our most serious conflicts are conflicts within ourselves. Those who suppose their judgements are always consistent are unreflective or dogmatic.

…no matter how rhapsodic one waxes about the process of wresting edible plants and tamed animals from the sprawling vagaries of nature, there’s a timeless, unwavering truth espoused by those who worked the land for...

I think there needs to be a meeting to set an agenda for more meetings about meetings.

If people don’t take politics seriously, then they deserve the jokers that rule over them.

Orwell clung with a kind of wry, grim pride to the old ways of the last class that had ruled the old order. He must sometimes have wondered how it came about that he should...

I think I’m most proud of the fact that after 30 years in politics, I had a lot of folks who wanted me to come back.

I wonder are we the people really that high on these political agenda’s these day’s? Or are we merely pawns in the majestic Game of Thrones?

As every slumdweller knew, there were three main ways out of poverty: finding an entrepreneurial niche, as the Husains had found in garbage; politics and corruption, in which Asha placed her hopes; and education.

do something.” The high-minded reformers experience a glow of triumph and turn their attention to new causes. The interested parties go to work to make sure that the power is used for their benefit. They...

Wir brauchen keinen Dritten Weltkrieg. Wir haben Kapitalismus, Kommunismus und Tourismus.

She’s become a Russian again, he thought. When something works, she’s grateful. When it doesn’t work, it’s life.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

too” rich, and benefiting the rest—the majority—of the people, they cannotoppose any tenable argument to those who are asking for more of this allegedlybeneficial policy. As long as any degree of inequality is left, there...

Rocket Fever Grips Nation’s Teenagers’ cheers on enthusiastic newsreel, reflecting the nation’s sudden reversal in attitude following the successful launch of Explorer-I into Earth orbit. Rather than being strange and threatening, outer space looks set...

If by a “Liberal” they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools,...

Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.

,No ha observado usted que la profesión de déspota es más fácil que la de médico o la de abogado? Primer año: ciclo de promesas, sonrisas y cortesías para los electores; segundo año: liquidación de...

Whenever we use our religion, as individuals, or as groups within the church, to act in tandem with political and economic groups that arrest the voice of truth or destroy others, then we are Judas.

Watch a man–say, a politician–being interviewed on television, an you are observing a demonstration of what both he and his interrogators learned in school: all questions have answers, and it is a good thing to...

We are naked, but we think we are not; we are wrong, but think we are correct. We are misled but we think we are properly guided. We think we have leaders but in reality...

Ideology follows the money.””Governments don’t protect people, people protect governments.””To accept the legitimacy of the state is to embrace the necessity for war.