Imagine the wizened quality of a life blanched of contradiction and double standard.p 44

Poets speak of hope in ladies smiles, but give me a smirk any day, I say.

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

We are at the tail end of a decline in infant mortality that began just over a century ago. Babies no longer wander into open hearths or are mauled by marauding pigs. We have vaccines,...

Honestly, I don’t understand why people get so worked up about a little murder!

I will never lie again.

Users are a double-edged sword. They can help you improve your language, but they can also deter you from improving. So choose your users carefully, and be slow to grow their number. Having users is...

All of which does not alter the fact that Pnin was on the wrong train.

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Those darling byegone times, Mr Carker,’ said Cleopatra, ‘with their delicious fortresses, and their dear old dungeons, and their delightful places of torture, and their romantic vengeances, and their picturesque assaults and sieges, and everything...

…it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone...

Now that’s true poetic irony. I rush into battle to defend the fair name of Rose Larkin, and what does she do but fetch Robert to stop me.

Dream Song of Thunders:Sometimes I go about pitying Myself, While I am carried by the wind Across the sky.

I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill.

I can be humbler than anyone.

On construction sites. Is that coffee ready?

There’s a large strain of irony in our human affairs… Interwoven with our affairs is this wonderful spirit of irony which prevents us from ever being utterly and irretrievably serious, from being unaware of the...

We limit how much technology our kids use at home.” (Nytimes article, Sept. 10, 2014)

As learnèd commentators viewIn Homer more than Homer knew.

A modern philosopher who has never once suspected himself of being a charlatan must be such a shallow mind that his work is probably not worth reading.

I am waiting for the war to be fought which will make the world safe for anarchy

The best way to measure the loss of intellectual sophistication – this “nerdification,” to put it bluntly – is in the growing disappearance of sarcasm, as mechanic minds take insults a bit too literally.

Comparisons are like rigid fingers—eager to point at a subject but unwilling to grasp it.

Diamond is the hardest substance, but the Irony, it is also brittle.

The cave floor rumbled. A large stone emerged from the dirt-a smooth, oval rock exactly the same size and weight as a baby god… She wrapped the stone in swaddling clothes and gave the real...

I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls,” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good cup.

There is nothing worse then being surrounded by a bunch of people telling you to do what is right, when they can’t define that definition, without a lot of hatred and judgment behind it.

Y Doree se preguntó por qué tenía que importarle lo que Maggie pensara. Maggie era una extraña, ni siquiera se sentía a gusto con ella. Fue Lloyd quien lo dijo, y tenía razón.

She talks about how she can’t exercise because of the ailments-a bad back, sore knees, breathing difficulties-all caused by her weight gain.

War is always an adventure to those who’ve never seen it.

So this was the Ashram’s final joke on me? Once I had learned to accept my loud, chatty, social nature and fully embrace my inner Key Hostess – only then could I become The Quiet...

Cruelty would be delicious if one could only find some sort of cruelty that didn’t really hurt.

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn’t lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

It strikes me often while I am in Iran that were Christian evangelicals to take a tour of Iran today, they might find it the model for an ideal society they seek in America. Replace...

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

I am going with you as well. With Goodfellow’s exemplary planning, someone has to make sure you go through the right door.

Don’t we all hope to die with a smile on our faces?

There are those who are legitimately corrupt, who cannot admit that legitimacy allows them to corrupt legitimacy, and to legitimately corrupt others.

As soon as they leave, Leon says to me: “I disagree, sir. There are people who aren’t insane, and I’m one of them. People who generalize are mentally ill.

He gave me the key, which I later discovered would open practically every door in the hotel. I thanked him, and I made a small mistake we irony collectors often make: I tried to share...

In Russia, war will never be popular with the profound masses of people. Revolutionary ideas are more in their taste than a victory over Germany. But one does not escape one’s destiny… – Russian Minister...

Your weaknesses may not seem overwhelming, but they will create the biggest problems you face.

I’m a survivor, ” I said. But I didn’t think that claim would carry much weight in an obituary.

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?

And on the pedestal these words appear: ‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’ Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare...

I have associated myself with failed scientists in order to associate myself with failed irony. (“Metier: Why I Don’t Write Like Franz Kafka”)

Irony is a gift of the gods, the most subtle of all the modes of speech. It is an armour and a weapon; it is a philosophy and a perpetual entertainment; it is food for...

No soy pesimista. Soy un optimista bien informado.

Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.

Actually—and this was where I began to feel seriously uncomfortable—some such divine claim underlay not just ‘the occupation’ but the whole idea of a separate state for Jews in Palestine. Take away the divine warrant...