Do you realise how much trouble you’re in?””Perhaps I’ll have some Weetabix after all.

Jimmy held on to the reins for dear life, and thought that a horse was about the most slippery creature to sit on that he had ever met. He slithered first one way and then...

His father cultivated art and self-realisation; his mother went in for simplicity and hygiene. Hence the child, during his tenderer years, was wholly unacquainted with any drink between the extremes of absinth and cocoa, of...

Listen, I’m sorry to bother you when you’re obviously busy with, uh, important things, ” B. J. Says. He sounds sarcastic. “But you remember a few months ago, when we scored that pot for Brian...

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

We try to make guests feel welcome,” said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes’s amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.”You had papers?” he said....

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he’d do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren’t going to be on him.

It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top...

Yes, I see. You absolutely insist that you are a cow. I am not arguing.

Oh, and orgasms… definitely thankful for those.

I didn’t realize he was a drunk driver,’ I said. ‘The other superheroes inferred it was just a regular, random guy you were trying to force a taco onto. But still’ – I indicate the...

Primele încercări de predare a unei limbi, mă refer la engleză, cimpanzeilor datează abia din secolul XX. Toate au dat greş, inclusiv una dintre cele mai cunoscute, făcută pe la sf rşitul anilor ’40 de...

He tried to close a hand around the precious coffee but had to jerk his fingers away, sharply enough that his wrist popped painfully. Tallow wondered if the other end of the coffee machine was...

Lawn looked down at his patient. “In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

I’m not bloody well going to have it, understand?” Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth.”Oook,” the Librarian pointed out, patiently.”What? Oh. Sorry.” Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn’t make an issue out...

Mrs. Joe was a very clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself.

Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!” she screeched, jigging back into the kitchen.

…food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.

I get this buzz every time I’m quoted online. The ego high… yes… but also a Google Alert.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

‘Oh, good grief,’ said Vimes. ‘Look, it’s quite simple, man. I was expected to go ‘At last, alcohol!’, and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community.’

Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease,...

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn’t believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

I always carry the book of Holy Writ…and something to read…

Once you go demon you never go back.

As soon as one is unhappy one becomes moral.

Bat stood in the open door and said “I am a crime scene unit detective from the New York City Police Department, you heinous fucking mongoloid, and there is nothing I cannot do.

Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a pickaxe, for the extraction of interesting minerals, and the other side...

You’re not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day?” said Angua.”I’ve heard he uses rats as spies, so I don’t think he’d use them as elevenses,” said Carrot.

‘This is nothing personal, you understand,’ said Charley to Nobby. ‘It’s just a wossname. Had a wizard in here the other night talking about it. Sort of bendy educational thing, you know?’ He appeared to...

Honestly I don’t know why i have these parties””Because of your cat””That’s true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort

Keystrokes are a sign of the solipsistic lonely sort. Self-imposed solitary confinement, yes! You can’t rip all them ones and twos from the screen, Jacob.

I thought you were a drunk.””A drunk?””Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else...

You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality

When the power goes out, we jump up to…To what? It’s weird. We’re so used to electricity, when it’s gone, we don’t know what to do. So we jump up or squeal or start jabbering...

Mr Vimes,” said Mrs Winkings, “ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch…”Say ‘Watch’, why don’t you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the...

Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding ‘Your money or your life’ had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on.

(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character)Backpacker: ‘What’s the drinking age in Australia?”eighteen”is that enforced’Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, ‘yes, they make us drink

There’s nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one’s life.

I’ve had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I’m thirteen, but definitely not before then…

Adrian Mole’s diaryEasterPoor Jesus, it must have been dead awful for him. I wouldn’t have the guts to do it myself.

Vanessa was deprived of her hormones in prison and thus retained several male characteristics that would have been less evident otherwise, most notably her voice. While she spoke in a high, little-girl voice most of...

Another priest said, ‘Is it true you’ve said you’ll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?’ ‘Yes.” Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps...

I wonder what’s the difference between ordinary councillors and privy councillors?” wondered the merchant aloud.The assassin scowled at him. “I think,” he said, “it is because you’re expected to eat shit.

Go get us some burgers and coffee. I’ll get on the horn to Mark Hopewell. I’ll ask him for a list.””Cheese or plain?””I’m on a diet.””Plain then. And no fries?””I said I’m on a diet,...

I have seen many a face that was more good-looking — never one that looked half so good.

But I don’t know how I’ll ever get a college degree and rise in the world with no high school diploma and eyes like piss holes in the snow, as everyone tells me.

Dad’s romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).

Tallow walked into Bat and Scarly’s office to find Bat slumped on a chair with his head on the workbench, turned away from the door, while Scarly softly sharpened on old straight razor on a...

When he was a boy he’d read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had...