Go get us some burgers and coffee. I’ll get on the horn to Mark Hopewell. I’ll ask him for a list.””Cheese or plain?””I’m on a diet.””Plain then. And no fries?””I said I’m on a diet,...

I have seen many a face that was more good-looking — never one that looked half so good.

But I don’t know how I’ll ever get a college degree and rise in the world with no high school diploma and eyes like piss holes in the snow, as everyone tells me.

Dad’s romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).

Tallow walked into Bat and Scarly’s office to find Bat slumped on a chair with his head on the workbench, turned away from the door, while Scarly softly sharpened on old straight razor on a...

When he was a boy he’d read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had...

‘Look down, your grace,’ said Skimmer. ‘Mhm, mhm.’ Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. ‘Look down further,’ he said. Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had...

Letters rarely got written in that mine. Work stopped and the whole clan had sat around in respectful silence as his pen scrittered across the parchment. His aunt had been sent up to Varneshi’s to...

Ari, maybe we should get you out of here. No joke. You really are dangerous with thus truth serum in you, You might sat something you wished you hadn’t.””Like that your mum scares me, but...

I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn’t. I wrote it to impress a girl.

Ach, Hector, unser freundlicher Neandertaler.” – Helen Hamilton

As I was walking to my car, a crow that was sitting on a wall suddenly scooped down and did number two on my head. Luckily I was holding a newspaper on my head at...

Let’s chow, and then we’ll get our books,” Tony said. Just as the door was about to close behind us, he added, “You act like you’ve never had food before.

You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.”Excuse me?” said the shining figure...

He’s a bit set in his ways. Congealed, I should think.

Saliņu maizi Kalifornijā neizcepsi – izstiepies vai saraujies. Kādā valstī dzīvo, tādu maizi ēd… Ābeles šejienes karstumā neaug. Bērziņi nīkuļo. Nevar jau svešumā ietaisīt gabalu no Latvijas. To, mīļie, var uzcelt tikai iedomās. Bet, ja...

Dark is dark in the darkness.

I had an aunt named ‘abnormal Shauna’ once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.

A pair of Blahniks and a girl can vanquish anything

So you say, with your shiny hair and pouty lips – and those breasts – just wait till you start dropping whelps, they’ll be at your ankles one day, big as they are – not...

We need to borrow your boat,” said Vimes.”Bugger off!””I’m choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning ‘Why, certainly,'” said Vimes.

‘How do you spell ‘contravention’ ?’ said Carrot, turning over a page. I don’t,’ said Nobby, pushing through the crowds.

See that?” said Lemon. “The car tracks turn off there.””How do you know it’s not the parks people on a golf cart thingie?””You don’t golf, do you, Kate?””No, I’m too young to die of boredom.

He has an interview going on, so if anyone asks you anything about anything, smile and lie.””So, if they ask how it feels to spend our evenings filing briefings from three years ago, we should...

The next morning after finishing my interviews, I found myself with some time to kill before the bus arrived to return me to Whitby. The term “time to kill” suddenly sounded awfully harsh.Was “time to...

Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life.

She’s really married?” Tallow said to Bat.”Yeah. Talia’s like this Scandinavian Amazon who can break rocks with her boobs. She could fit Scarly in her armpit. Sometimes I think she likes Scarly just because she...

The horsemen came closer.Vimes was not good at horsemen. Something in him resented being addressed by anyone eight feet above the ground. He didn’t like the sensation of being looked at by nostrils.

The tincture of night began to diffuse the soup of the afternoon.Lord Vetinari considered the sentence, and found it good. He liked ‘tincture’ particularly. Tincture. Tincture. It was a distinguished word, and pleasantly countered by...

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they’re standing on one and being soaked by the other.

I needed to say something. Something romantic! Something to sweep her off her feet.”You’re like a potato!” I shouted after her. “In a minefield.

I really didn’t write it with any intention of being published. If I’d known that was going to happen, I would have written something more sensible, because now I have to dress up as a...

Oi, stop looking at my nethers. Be a gentleman, look away. When a gal’s in a predicament you should ‘elp ‘er out

An intelligent man will use a book to settle an argument. Preferably a hardback with a thick spine, flat across the bridge of the nose.

How do you manage for money?’ I asked.I was given two simultaneous replies of ‘We get by’ from Ian and ‘Don’t ask’ from Neil. I favoured Ian’s reply because it had less-sinister connotations. ‘Don’t ask’...

The plain old Sam Vimes had fought back. He got rid of most of the plumes and the stupid tights, and ended up with a dress uniform that at least looked as though its owner...

A dwarf who can’t get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique.””Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy..””Guild member?””Not any more, sir.””Oh? How did you leave the guild?””Through the roof,...

That is physically impossible,” Chubs groused. “He’d be–“”Actually,” Liam began, “Cole once did try to–What?””Oh, I’m sorry,” Chubs said, “apparently the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours. Do continue.

A few days earlier, Adriana and I had been browsing books at the local library. I happened to turn around and look at her…and that was it. The man who “loved to laugh” in Mary...

So what’s the problem?’‘No problem. There’s no problem. Don’t ever say what’s the problem, nthat’s the negative way of looking at things, you know like is the bottle half empty or half full, know what...

When I was in my early twenties I didn’t have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series of wants and whims. But recently I had felt overwhelmed by longings that...

The boldest of the three moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. “We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?” he snarled.Someone sniggered.”I hope you’re not going to kill...

I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fisherman Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish,” said Constable Visit.The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence.”Washpot, are we...

He felt an appetite for once, one that it’d take more than a drink or two to satisfy. He strolled along for breakfast at Harga’s House of Ribs, the habit of years, and got another...

His name was Mr. Quan and he was the concierge, which explained the black suit and the lavender shirt but not the oversized bow tie in chrome-yellow silk. Perhaps nothing could.

These goddamn Jesus freaks! They’re multiplying like rats!

It is the quintessential story about perseverance but also about our humanness. We tend to regard ourselves as super-human, but the moment we detect a flaw we crash and lose confidence. We’d rather die than...

A turd placed in the snow will become hard and significantly less odorous than its warm weather counterpart. This doesn’t mean that it has ceased to be a turd.

There ain’t enough happens in soccer. It’s like watching twenty-two hair models kick a ball around for what seems like six months and then one of them falls over and the ball goes in the...

Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.