My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.

I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like...

In business I play hardball, because softball is for high school girls. People don’t know I used to be a pitcher. I was full of water, until my ex wife poured it all out.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife

I know we are miles and miles away from one another, but I always believed that as long as our souls are connected to each other, the flame of our love will burn forever. Only...

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife.

Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me.