In business I play hardball, because softball is for high school girls. People don’t know I used to be a pitcher. I was full of water, until my ex wife poured it all out.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife

I know we are miles and miles away from one another, but I always believed that as long as our souls are connected to each other, the flame of our love will burn forever. Only...

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife.

Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me.

My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.

I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like...