Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphood was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he...

It was his subconscious which told him this—that infuriating part of a person’s brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing.

This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, ‘This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting hole I find myself in — fits me...

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor, at least no one worth speaking of.

Watch?? I’m gonna pray, Man! Know any good religions?

What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?””Ask a glass of water!

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the...

[The Head of Radio Three] had been ensnared by the Music Director of the college and a Professor of Philosophy. These two were busy explaining to the harassed man that the phrase “too much Mozart”...

loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.

It faintly irritated him that Zaphod had to impose some ludicrous fantasy on to the scene to make it work for him. All this Margrathea nonsense seemed juvenile. Isn’t it enough to see that a...

What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I’d far rather be happy than right any day.

What’s so unpleasant about being drunk? You ask a glass of water

Gilks sighed. ‘You’re a clever man, Cjelli, I grant you that,’ he said, ‘but you make the samemistake a lot of clever people do of thinking everyone else is stupid.

Oh don’t give me no more of that Old Janx SpiritNo, don’t you give me no more of that Old Janx SpiritFor my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and...

If I ever meet myself,’ said Zaphod, ‘I’ll hit myself so hard I won’t know what’s hit me.

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.”(Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)

Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics it was either that or back to the dole queue on Monday. Sorry I missed the...

Certamente era um homem que possuía muitas qualidades, mesmo que fossem quase todas ruins.

Si los seres humanos no dejan de hacer ejercicio con los labios, su cerebro empieza a funcionar.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

It is known that there are an infinte number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Any finite...

Ford? There’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for ‘Hamlet’ they’ve worked out

The bowler approached the wicket at a lope, a trot, and then a run. He suddenly exploded in a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball.

A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to the sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach...

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?

So, the world is fine. We don’t have to save the world—the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live...

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is an indispensable companion to all those who are keen to make sense of life in an infinitely complex and confusing Universe, for though it cannot hope to be...

Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command.

If you describe yourself as “Atheist,” some people will say, “Don’t you mean ‘Agnostic’?” I have to reply that I really do mean Atheist. I really do not believe that there is a god –...

It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry ‘I could have thought of that’ is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they...

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

One always overcompensates for disabilities. I’m thinking of having my entire body surgically removed.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering.It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is (wioll...

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

What’s up?” [asked Ford.]I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been there.

God’s Final Message to His Creation:’We apologize for the inconvenience.

1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;2) anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can...

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being...

The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.

They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost...

My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,’ he muttered to himself, ‘and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.’

So, like I said, these are a bunch of really sweet guys, but you wouldn’t want to share a Galaxy with them, not if they’re just gonna keep at it, not if they’re not gonna...

Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy profession, and a large number of its practitioners spend many nights drowning their sorrows in Ouisghian Zodahs.

Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.’Ah, well, I’m not sure I believe that.

And so the Universe ended.

He felt a spasm of excitement because he knew instinctively who it was, or at least knew who it was he wanted it to be, and once you know what it is you want to...