Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse

I wish people were more like animals. Animals don’t try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren’t conditional about friendships. Animals like you just...

Calvin : There’s no problem so awful, that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn’t make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn’t he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn’t exist what’s the...

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.””Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.””We need...

The world isn’t fair, Calvin.””I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

How come we play war and not peace?””Too few role models.

I’m a misunderstood genius.””What’s misunderstood?””Nobody thinks I’m a genius.

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said ‘I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God?Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes

Now what state do you live in?”Denial.

From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!

We don’t value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there’s no pleasure in creating things and no...

You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a “graphic novel,” but comic books are still incredibly stupid.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life.

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!

From now on, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I’m just here to cash in.

Calvin:”It says here that ‘religion is the opiate of the masses.’…what do you suppose that means?”Television: “…it means that Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.

That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.

CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I’ll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

HOBBES:All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I’m cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to...

I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian!

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you’ll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who’s been up too late.

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

Hold it. You know what I’d like to see? I’d like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks...

Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a...

Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Some days you get up and you already know that things aren’t going to go well. They’re the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot...