The covers of this book are too far apart.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.

Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own...

When he had ended, the holy hermit was a moment silent, then said: “My son, I have attended to thy story and I know the maiden. I have myself seen her, as have many. Know,...

You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, … but it probably helps.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

You scoundrel, you have wronged me,” hissed the philosopher, “May you live forever!

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in...

DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world’s worship.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods....

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise...

The exhilaration of battle was agreeable to him, but the sight of the dead, with their clay faces, blank eyes, and stiff bodies, which, when not unnaturally shrunken, were unnaturally swollen, had always intolerably affected...

In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.